I don't even know what that means. But I do like me some breasts. And do you know what I hate? I hate it when an attractive lady takes a photo of themselves, and it isn't at some ridiculous angle designed to give me (and my fellow internet perverts) a glean of their magnificent mammaries. Isn't that what cameras were designed to do? Who even cares about anything else? Do women have faces? I feel as though they sure don't want us to know that they do, not when they have those two melons attached to their front. I know absolutely nothing about photography outside of the fact that my phone has a camera attached to the back of it that I use to take photos of women's breasts. But I have been lead to believe that there is a particular camera model currently on the market that in named the GoPro. I assume that it is named as such because the girls who use them (what guy would use one?) are attempting to go professional in their soft core porn career. What better way to audition then by highlighting your wares with a cheap, yet high quality camera? You go, girl!
I love a bit of variety in my breasts as well. I mean, there is always plenty of regular lingerie photographs being taken (thank you, Victoria's Secret!), and hell, a short trip down the M1 will give me access to dozens of women wearing barely-there bikinis. However, with there being a steady upswing of people absolutely, 100% legitimately interested in going to the gym, this has given rise to the gym selfie, which, naturally, occurs when the girl is in a sports bra, because, BREASTS! Lorna Jane, I salute you. And sometimes a girl will just forego the usual B.S. and simply go to the gym in a bra because, you guessed it, BREASTS! Let's be honest here, a man's life is centered around his getting a peak at as many breasts as possible, and all I can say is ladies, you are doing a fantastic job and leaving no one disappointed.
I'm thirsty.
I'm sure you have all seen the above image; it has been floating around for a while now. I think it perfectly highlights the broad distinction between societal standards from the time I was born to the present. Caitlin Stasey, some Z-grade actress who was once on Neighbours or something, recently opened up a website designed to empower (volunteering) women by literally showing off photographs of themselves naked. I'm not even joking. I mean, I usually miss the point of feminist related complaints and rants and stuff because I don't care, but let's face it, it piqued my interest because there was boobs involved. Doing some vague research that amounted to me mainly looking at the pictures on the website, I was confused to learn that the entire point of the website was women empowerment, mainly the reclamation of the female body. I can't help but feel as though this is a very backwards way in which to get this message across.
As I have so eloquently put it across throughout this post, men like naked women. I understand that the point of the website is to put across this sense of empowerment of womanhood with wonderful tales from several women, but that message becomes so muddied when it is surrounded by pictures of these women then naked. Is the message that women have become objectified by men throughout the ages, so let us show them by being naked? Isn't that why men objectify women, because they love looking at them naked? I don't even know! The more I think about it, the more in circles I feel I am going, and the more confused I get. Let's be honest, would anyone give half a toss if this didn't have pictures of Stasey herself, primarily because of Australia's odd fascination with Z-grade celebrities? Furthermore, could the girl come across as any more petulant throughout her interview? Just whining about some imaginary slight against her from men the world over. Girl, grow up. Stop picking fights with Bindi Irwin and every man ever. And put some clothes on. Or don't. Whatever.
xoxo A Man
