Thursday, December 21, 2017

2017 through my head

A comprehensive list of my books read in 2017

Novels:
1. A Dance with Dragons: A Song of Ice and Fire #5 (422,000 words) -George R.R. Martin
2. American Psycho (124,000 words) - Bret Easton Ellis*
3. Gardens of the Moon: Malazan Book of the Fallen #1 (209,000 words) - Steven Erikson
4. The Lies of Locke Lamora: The Gentleman Bastard Sequence #1 (190,000 words) - Scott Lynch*
5. Deadhouse Gates: Malazan Book of the Fallen #2 (272,000 words) - Steven Erikson
6. Reds Seas Under Red Skies: The Gentleman Bastard Sequence #2 (200,000 words) - Scott Lynch
7. Memories of Ice: Malazan Book of the Fallen #3 (358,000 words) - Steven Erikson
8. The Republic of Thieves: The Gentleman Bastard Sequence #3 (218,000 words) - Scott Lynch
9. House of Chains: Malazan Book of the Fallen #4 (306,000 words) - Steven Erikson
10. Ready Player One (124,000 words) - Ernest Cline*
11. Midnight Tides: Malazan Book of the Fallen #5 (270,000 words) - Steven Erikson
12. The Blade Itself: The First Law Trilogy #1 (191,000 words) - Joe Abercrombie*
13. The Bonehunters: Malazan Book of the Fallen #6 (365,000 words) - Steven Erikson
14. Before They Are Hanged: The First Law Trilogy #2 (198,000 words) - Joe Abercrombie


Currently reading:
1. Reaper's Gale: Malazan Book of the Fallen #7 (386,000 words) - Steven Erikson

Total trackable word count of completed books: 3,447,000 words

Sunday, January 1, 2017

2016 through my head

A comprehensive list of my books read in 2016

Novels:
1. The Last Wish: Introducing The Witcher (91,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski*
2. Sword of Destiny: Tales of The Witcher (113,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski*
3. Blood of Elves: The Witcher Saga #1 (104,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski*
4. Time of Contempt: The Witcher Saga #2 (103,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski*
5. Baptism of Fire: The Witcher Saga #3  (112,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski*
6. The Tower of Swallows: The Witcher Saga #4  (144,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski*
7. Lady of the Lake: The Witcher Saga #5 (162,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski*
8. The Brothers Karamazov (364,000 words) - Fyodor Dostoyevsky*
9. Season of Storms: Tales of the Witcher (103,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski
10. A Game of Thrones: A Song of Ice and Fire #1 (284,000 words) - George R.R. Martin
11. American Gods (198,000 words) - Neil Gaiman
12. A Clash of Kings: A Song of Ice and Fire #2 (326,000 words) - George R.R. Martin
13. A Storm of Swords: A Song of Ice and Fire #3 (404,000 words) - George R.R. Martin
14. The Martian (103,000 words) - Andy Weir*
15. A Feast for Crows: A Song of Ice and Fire #4 (300,000 words) - George R.R. Martin
16. I Am Pilgrim (272,000 words) - Terry Hayes*


Currently reading:
1. A Dance with Dragons: A Song of Ice and Fire #5 (422,000 words) -George R.R. Martin


Mangas and Graphic Novels:
1. Jaco the Galactic Patrolman - Akira Toriyama


Other books:
1. It's Over 9000: When Worldviews Collide - Derek Padula
2. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Parts I and II - J.K. Rowling, Jack Thorne, and John Tiffany


Short stories:
1. A Road With No Return (13,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski
2. Something Ends, Something Begins (9,000 words) - Andrzej Sapkowski

Total trackable word count of completed books: 3,201,000 words

Thursday, August 4, 2016

A call to arms - fanboys

Back in the saddle, into the fry pan -
someone, probably.

Internet fanboy-ism is an ever amusing element in the modern times. We all have computers, we all have the internet, and we all... like things? I'm not sure where I was going with that, but you get my point. Now, outside of us using the internet as a collective database of naked bottoms, we also love to use it as a means of bitching. Bitching about things we hate, bitching about things we love, bitching about how other people hate things we love, bitching about how we hate things other people love. 
Now, fanboy is a word we use to describe people who will blindly love and support a pop-culture related something, usually beyond reason, all the while blindly criticising the main rival of whatever that something is. These fanboys are the master bitch-ers. This generally sets up a rivalry between opposing, erm, factions that occupies many an internet forum. You see it with Xbox v Playstation, Star Wars v Star Trek, Lord of the Rings v Harry Potter, hell, you even see it in the three Pokemon Go teams. But the current flavour of fanboyism is the DC v Marvel movie argument. 

Comic books have been a staple of our culture since the 30s, with the two biggest publishers being DC Comics and Marvel Comics (there are others, and they may be big, but I don't care). Now, in case you have been living under a rock this past decade, what was once just a scattered smattering of comic book hero movies with no collective attachment to one another has given way to 'Cinematic Universes'. These create an internal world where series of movies all take place parallel to one another, with all the same characters inhibiting. These type of shared universes have certainly existed in film before (Universal Monsters, View Askewniverse, A Nightmare on Elm Street/Friday the 13th, Alien/Predator etc.) but never quite as ambitious as what we are receiving now. The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) currently has 13 released movies, with a further 9 in development, and a further line of television series. The newer, but no less ambitious, DC Extended Universe (DCEU) has 3 released films with another 10 in development. Both these 'universes' share characters within each film, and follow overarching plots, with each film a piece of that universe's ultimate story. 

Full disclosure, I have never considered myself a fanboy of either (hey, isn't that a cop out!). I loved the first two Superman movies as a kid, watched X-Men: The Animated Series and had a Wolverine toy. When the initial comic book movies came out, I thoroughly enjoyed the X-Men movies, thought Spider-Man was a little overrated, and the Fantastic Four movies were dumb but enjoyable. I still maintain that Batman Begins is the best of The Dark Knight trilogy. I watch all these movies that come out! I want all of them to be good, because if they are not, well I wasted my money, and that sucks. That doesn't mean I don't prefer one of the film series, however, and I'm sure as this post goes on, you will discern which.

So to link my inherent rambling about fanboys and comics is the long term rivalry between fans of DC Comics and fans of Marvel Comics. This rivalry has extended into the film stratosphere, with the growing discontent of DC fans based on the perception of their believed 'unfair' treatment of DC films by film critics. Why is this? Well, as of right now, the films DCEU released have all received lukewarm at best, poor at worst, reviews. Generally speaking, the best way to determine how a film is fairing with the critics is through the use of two sites: Rotten Tomatoes, and Metacritic. Both of these are aggregate websites in that they do not have original reviews of their own, instead acting as a database of other recognised critic's reviews of films, and compiling overall ratings based on this collective. Rotten Tomatoes does this through a 'Fresh/Rotten' system (read: good/bad) whereby they read each individual review, determine whether or not it is a positive or negative, and then present a percentage based on positive reviews. If 60% or more of these reviews are positive, the film is thereby determined as 'Fresh'; conversely, if only 59% or less are positive, the film is considered 'Rotten'. Metacritic takes a simpler approach in that it collates all the reviews that give out the numerical film 'score', and discern the average based on that. As mentioned earlier, the DCEU has 3 released films, none of which have fared extremely well with critics. These films, and their respective Rotten Tomato and Metacritic scores, are as follows:

Man of Steel, Released: 2013. 
Rotten Tomato rating: 55% (Rotten) (based on 301 reviews) 
Metacritic score: 55 (based on 47 reviews)

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Released: 2016
Rotten Tomato rating: 27% (Rotten) (based on 344 reviews)
Metacritic score: 44 (based on 51 reviews)

Suicide Squad, Released: 2016
Rotten Tomato rating: 29% (Rotten) (based on 137 reviews)
Metacritic score: 42 (based on 45 reviews)

Now, as we can see, Rotten Tomatoes uses a much wider base for its reviews, as not every reviewer feels the need to assign a score to their review. Irrespective of this, you can certainly see an emerging pattern in that these DCEU films are hardly critical darlings. Compare that to the slate of Marvel films below:

Iron Man, Released: 2008
Rotten Tomato rating: 94% (Fresh), (based on 266 reviews)
Metacritic score: 79, (based on 38 reviews)

The Incredible Hulk, Released: 2008
Rotten Tomato rating: 67% (Fresh), (based on 222 reviews)
Metacritic score: 61, (based on 38 reviews)

Iron Man 2, Released: 2010
Rotten Tomato rating: 72% (Fresh), (based on 276 reviews)
Metacritic score: 57, (based on 40 reviews)

Thor, Released: 2011
Rotten Tomato rating: 77% (Fresh), (based on 267 reviews)
Metacritic score: 57, (based on 40 reviews)

Captain America: The First Avenger, Released: 2011
Rotten Tomato rating: 80% (Fresh), (based on 245 reviews)
Metacritic score: 66, (based on 43 reviews)

Marvel's The Avengers, Released: 2012
Rotten Tomato rating: 92% (Fresh), (based on 317 reviews)
Metacritic score: 69, (based on 42 reviews)

Iron Man 3, Released 2013
Rotten Tomato rating: 79% (Fresh), (based on 291 reviews)
Metacritic score: 62, (based on 44 reviews)

Thor: The Dark World, Released: 2013
Rotten Tomato rating: 66% (Fresh), (based on 247 reviews)
Metacritic score: 54, (based on 44 reviews)

Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Released: 2014
Rotten Tomato rating: 89% (Fresh), (based on 258 reviews)
Metacritic score: 70, (based on 47 reviews)

Guardians of the Galaxy, Released: 2014
Rotten Tomato rating: 91% (Fresh), (based on 288 reviews)
Metacritic score: 76, (based on 46 reviews)

Avengers: Age of Ultron, Released: 2015
Rotten Tomato rating: 75% (Fresh), (based on 309 reviews)
Metacritic score: 66, (based on 49 reviews)

Ant-Man, Released: 2015
Rotten Tomato rating: 81% (Fresh), (based on 271 reviews)
Metacritic score: 64, (based on 43 reviews)

Captain America: Civil War, Released: 2016
Rotten Tomato rating: 90% (Fresh), (based on 320 reviews)
Metacritic score: 75, (based on 52 reviews)


Now that we've gotten through that long list of numbers (that I am sure most of you skipped over anyway), we can discern the fact that critics are indeed more favourable to MCU films over DCEU films. What does this mean? Well, if you are a DC fanboy, it means that obviously film critics are biased, have an agenda, and are being paid off by Disney. If you are grounded in reality, however, it just means that critics haven't taken to DC films as warmly as they have Marvel films. This could be for a number of reasons. It should be noted that, based on Metacritic's scores, the difference between the universe's average film scores is not even too vast: 66 for Marvel, 47 for DC. Yes, clearly Marvel is still faring better, but it paints a better picture than the 81% vs. 37% for their Rotten Tomato rating. But why? As it stands, the DCEU is still in its infancy compared to the MCU. The MCU is currently in it's third 'phase', and has seen dozens of characters introduced, evolve, and interact with the other characters. Comparatively, the DCEU has barely started, with one solo film, and two ensemble films. If you were to compare the first 3 Marvel films to the first 3 DC films, things don't look as dire. 

I don't want to divulge into a bunch of reviews for each of these films, but I will try to justify their significance in the "bigger picture" of the universes as a whole. Iron Man was a big gamble for the newly minted Marvel Studio, the character being a relatively second-tier comic book character in terms of recognition from the general public. But, I think we can all agree, they knocked it out of the park. The casting of Robert Downey, Jr., an up-and-down actor who had had several drug-related issues throughout his career, was an inspired choice, and the man is now synonymous with the character. But the next two released films? The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man 2. Neither of these films were bad, but certainly not to the level of quality that the first Iron Man was. The first Iron Man was fresh, with a gentle approach to the world-building attitude of the cinematic universe, but it's sequel shamelessly tried to shoehorn in elements of future MCU films, whilst presenting a relatively formulaic plot with some fairly shallow character additions. But the goodwill of the first film managed to gloss over a lot of the flaws present, and it was largely forgotten. The Incredible Hulk, on the other hand, was a generally bland affair, and suffered a bit of an identity crisis in what kind of film it wanted to be, a serious character reflecting one, or a romp-a-stomp Hulk-smasher, a general reflection of the difficulties of the character itself. However, being so closely released to the far superior Iron Man, in conjunction with the eventual reshuffling of Hulk actors, The Incredible Hulk too has managed to be largely forgotten in the franchise. So what does this say about the MCU? Well, despite a blockbuster initial entry, the MCU certainly suffered some growing pains on its way to becoming the behemoth it currently is. 

In comparison to the MCU, which opened with a relatively untouched (at least in the cinematic sense) character, to kick-start their cinematic universe, DC chose the longtime fan favourite in Superman. Now, Man of Steel was the third iteration of the Superman character, and, as noted, has been a very well known commodity for decades, so his selection could be seen as a relatively 'safe' choice. Yet, as this version of the character was entirely removed from that of the other version, we once again have to engage in an origin story, and justify this version of the character. What we eventually got was a more sombre re-imagining that eventually descended into a relatively formulaic, bad guys try to take over the world film. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't an out-and-out success either. It couldn't use goodwill from past films because, well, somewhere after The Quest for Peace and Returns, that dried up, but at the same time, it didn't hold a candle to both the first two Reeve-led films, either. So it sat oddly in the middle, with it's mixed reviews reflective of that. Sometime after that, it would appear as though Warner Bros (DCEU's distributors) hit the panic button, and decided to put all their eggs in one basket by announcing Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, a singular film that tried to act as a sequel to Man of Steel, whilst introducing a new Batman, but also provide the inspiration for the creation of the Justice League. What we eventually got was a 3-hour mess that simply collapsed under the weight of its own expectations. A director's cut released post-cinema does manage clean up some of the mess, but the damage was already done in it's cinematic release. If DC had chosen to parallel the slower build-up of solo character films that Marvel had, this misstep could have been forgiven. But this wasn't a quiet film about the Hulk's internal quarrels or Iron Man's drinking problems, it was the match up between two of the most recognisable comic book characters in history, Batman and Superman. It's failure as a film caused massive ripples because of the significance of the film it was.

As of right now, I have not seen Suicide Squad. Most reviews note similar issues to BvS, however, in that it's narrative is all over the place, and it lacks fluidity. I will be able to talk on this later, hopefully. 


So why are these films being attacked so much more than any of the Marvel failures? I don't want this to simply come down to an argument of genuine quality, because in the eyes of fanboys, well, that is pretty irrelevant. As a franchise, the comparison of current DC films and current Marvel films is unfair to the DC films. They are still trying to find their feet as a collective unit, and Marvel has been operating for the last 8 years with a relatively strong vision throughout. Yet who is making these comparisons? Marvel fans, I can guarantee you, don't. As it stands, Marvel fans can smugly look down without even having to say anything. The films are more commercially and critically successful. But not a comment goes by from a DC fan without the inevitable comparison to the Marvel films, and the criticisms as to why it's not as good as it's made out to be. The chip is on the DC fans shoulder, whether they want to admit it or not.

One of the chief criticisms from DC fanboys of the Marvel franchise is the lighter tone of the Marvel films. Even in the quote unquote darker films in the Marvel universe, there is still lighter moments, which DC fanboys generally deride as campy humour aimed at children, further suggesting that if films are to have elements of humour in them, they must be aimed at children. Now dictionary.com gives the following definitions for the adjective 'camp':

1. (of a man or his manner) ostentatiously and extravagantly effeminate.
"a heavily made-up and highly camp actor"
2. deliberately exaggerated and theatrical in style.
"the movie seems more camp than shocking or gruesome"

Having seen all the Marvel films, I can categorically state that none of them contain humour in this sense, so such criticisms are either hyperbole, or commenters don't know what campy humour actually is. I would generally lean towards the former, which would go hand in hand with the silly scepticism associated with the critics general honesty. In contrast to these criticisms is that DC films are too smart and tonally dark for casual movie goers, which (once again, I have not seen Suicide Squad), judging from BvS, I can only assume they mean literally dark, because it is certainly a very dreary looking film, with a strong grey colour palette. As for the actual tones, well, thus far, the DCEU has taken a mostly humourless approach to their opening two films, but being humourless doesn't automatically translate to it being a darker story. Iron Man as a character was kidnapped by terrorists and forced to come face-to-face with the by-product of his weapon genius in the opening Iron Man film. There has been plenty of films in the MCU dealing with the moral dilemma of  the usage of weapons of mass destruction, and also that of external authority and accountability. Furthermore, to automatically attribute Batman v Superman as a film that was simply too smart for the masses because of how confusing its plot was at points is just wrong, and the release of the extended version of the film further points to that because its sole purpose was to clean up those confusing elements by re-adding expository scenes. To clarify, the extended cut is much less confusing in this manner than the theatrical release, although Lex Luthor's ultimate plot is still very convoluted.

Thus far, I think the biggest thing missing from the DCEU is charm. Robert Downey Jr. injected so much charm into the Iron Man series, and each lead thus far has had it in various helpings, be it Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Pratt (so many damn Chris'!) and Paul Rudd, with the only notable exception being Edward Norton in what was a terrible miscast role (a mistake that was quickly rectified). This charm can ultimately paste over some flaws of the weaker entries in the MCU (as well as the previously mentioned goodwill of the stronger entries). Of the DCEU, two of their three films have been ensemble films of which there is no clear lead, and the third, Man of Steel, seemed content with portraying Superman as an incredibly boring character (which is, admittedly, kind of in line with his general character). No one character is particular endearing to the audience, certainly not in the way Robert Downey Jr. was for the MCU. Will that change in the coming films? Maybe. We've had some footage shown of the upcoming Justice League movie, and whilst there seems to be a stronger emphasis on humour, is Ben Affleck and his grumpy Batman the right person to be leading that? Time will tell...

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

If you liked it, then you should have put a #hashtag on it

Fashion is a peculiar beast. For some reason, people really care about what other people are wearing. I mean, I usually keep half an eye on fashion trends to see if anything vaguely resembles
So I was bumbling around Instagram the other day as I usually do when I am so bored, and I looked up the people option in the search function. However, the vast majority of "people" I found were not actually people, but instead clothing brands, and would be designers and models advertising these clothing brands. What? It feels as though the true purpose of Instagram has been lost. It is rather disappointing that Instagram has become such a vehicle for shitty clothing brands who can't market themselves properly in a real format, so they instead clog up picture feeds with their usually trash products, hoping to attach themselves to the socially slower members of society who need to garner their fashion sense from 2 square-inch images on social networking sites. What's next, believing those legit Facebook shoe ads?

Now, I am obviously aware of women and the asinine love of telling people of their "outfits of the day" (and maybe some men too, but none that I know). I don't really understand this practice. When I step outside, looking great and feeling like a million bucks, I sure as hell don't want Blinky Bill the Instagram chump to try and steal all the hard effort I went into finding a great combination of shirt AND shorts by then just aping it without all the hard effort I put in. And let us be honest, no one quite pulls off an outfit like I do, so the practice in of itself would be quite useless. Furthermore, by constantly updating my adoring Instagram followers (hey, I hit triple digits!) of my day to day look, I destroy the allure of people actually seeing me personally every day and constantly being surprised by what amazing outfit I pull out. I really have a deep bag of tricks. No, I did not wear this shirt yesterday, I have no idea what you are talking about. But women seem to not think like me, strangely enough. Their outfit of a the day just seems to be a way of showing off a selfie under the pretense of guiding people towards an enlightenment of which is their far superior fashion sense.



Outfit of the day: Free Willy

Unfortunately, most people don't have good fashion. Following trends blindly does not equate to having a good sense of style. So instead, I am subjected to shitty 'outfit of the day' posts that I do not care about, from people who are wearing outfits that don't even look good! I cannot help but laugh when people then tag the brands of the clothes they are wearing too, like, plebs, I am wearing a Billabong bikini. Yeah, Billabong. A brand created on the Gold Coast, the doofus capital of the world. Hey, maybe if I was still a 12-year old loser who thought Billabong was a relevant brand I'd give a flying shit about your Billabong bikini, you dumb girl. But instead, I, like the rest of the world, think surf-related brands are no longer cool, essentially making the Billabong label absolutely "worthless" (http://www.theage.com.au/business/earnings-season/billabong-brand-worthless-as-loss-blows-out-20130827-2smxx.html). So if you are going to hashtag your clothing brands like someone gives a shit, better make sure it is a brand that is worth more than a used handkerchief. And even then, just don't. #MyCalvins? Well isn't that riveting. You are wearing an incredibly ugly pair of underpants that I imagine Mormon parents give their kids to scare others away from trying to disrobe them.


Protecting kid's virginity since 1968

"But Rhys, you wear Calvin Klein underwear, you silly nitwit LOL". Well yes, I do. I don't wear them because they look cool though. They go under my pants, you see. I wear them because they are comfortable! And not even the cotton ones, which are still as balls awful as your cheap shit Bonds underwear. I wear micro-weave pairs, because my nethers deserve a more gentle touch. And as far as I am aware, I have yet to make an Instagram post about #MyCalvins, so...

I think the point I am trying to make here is... I hate what Instagram has become. A tool for the arrogant and the socially needy. I don't want to see how you look today. I want to see what you are doing today. I don't want to see what you have eaten today. I want to see where you have gone today. I like to use Instagram as a vehicle to showing you some of the zanier things I do and think throughout my days. My life isn't inherently exciting, but sometimes something just happens that perfectly encapsulates the kind of day that I am having. And hey, sometimes I like to show off my mug too, just to tease the fans a little bit. But I want my photos to feel natural, like a spur of the moment, this is a bit of fun kind of way, not manufactured like some 'outfit of the day' post that definitively has a lot of people hanging off the edge of their seat for. "What is Rhys wearing today? Oooh #HisCalvins? How exciting! Just like yesterday!" Maybe I am alone in all this vitriol aimed towards outfit sharing. Maybe people really do care what other people are wearing that day. But irrespective, I shall endeavour to continue using Instagram for what it is truly meant for: pictures of my sister's dog.

#Rhys

P.S. I said Instagram nine times in this post. Ooh, ten!

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The girl with two breasts.

"Personalities are the framework to a women's breasts." - Rhys van Beurden

I don't even know what that means. But I do like me some breasts. And do you know what I hate? I hate it when an attractive lady takes a photo of themselves, and it isn't at some ridiculous angle designed to give me (and my fellow internet perverts) a glean of their magnificent mammaries. Isn't that what cameras were designed to do? Who even cares about anything else? Do women have faces? I feel as though they sure don't want us to know that they do, not when they have those two melons attached to their front. I know absolutely nothing about photography outside of the fact that my phone has a camera attached to the back of it that I use to take photos of women's breasts. But I have been lead to believe that there is a particular camera model currently on the market that in named the GoPro. I assume that it is named as such because the girls who use them (what guy would use one?) are attempting to go professional in their soft core porn career. What better way to audition then by highlighting your wares with a cheap, yet high quality camera? You go, girl!

I love a bit of variety in my breasts as well. I mean, there is always plenty of regular lingerie photographs being taken (thank you, Victoria's Secret!), and hell, a short trip down the M1 will give me access to dozens of women wearing barely-there bikinis. However, with there being a steady upswing of people absolutely, 100% legitimately interested in going to the gym, this has given rise to the gym selfie, which, naturally, occurs when the girl is in a sports bra, because, BREASTS! Lorna Jane, I salute you. And sometimes a girl will just forego the usual B.S. and simply go to the gym in a bra because, you guessed it, BREASTS! Let's be honest here, a man's life is centered around his getting a peak at as many breasts as possible, and all I can say is ladies, you are doing a fantastic job and leaving no one disappointed.


I'm thirsty.

I'm sure you have all seen the above image; it has been floating around for a while now. I think it perfectly highlights the broad distinction between societal standards from the time I was born to the present. Caitlin Stasey, some Z-grade actress who was once on Neighbours or something, recently opened up a website designed to empower (volunteering) women by literally showing off photographs of themselves naked. I'm not even joking. I mean, I usually miss the point of feminist related complaints and rants and stuff because I don't care, but let's face it, it piqued my interest because there was boobs involved. Doing some vague research that amounted to me mainly looking at the pictures on the website, I was confused to learn that the entire point of the website was women empowerment, mainly the reclamation of the female body. I can't help but feel as though this is a very backwards way in which to get this message across.

As I have so eloquently put it across throughout this post, men like naked women. I understand that the point of the website is to put across this sense of empowerment of womanhood with wonderful tales from several women, but that message becomes so muddied when it is surrounded by pictures of these women then naked. Is the message that women have become objectified by men throughout the ages, so let us show them by being naked? Isn't that why men objectify women, because they love looking at them naked? I don't even know! The more I think about it, the more in circles I feel I am going, and the more confused I get. Let's be honest, would anyone give half a toss if this didn't have pictures of Stasey herself, primarily because of Australia's odd fascination with Z-grade celebrities? Furthermore, could the girl come across as any more petulant throughout her interview? Just whining about some imaginary slight against her from men the world over. Girl, grow up. Stop picking fights with Bindi Irwin and every man ever. And put some clothes on. Or don't. Whatever.


xoxo A Man

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The technocalyptic cybergeddon.

Opinions are like arseholes. And my arsehole is right. But you also have an arsehole. It smells like shit, and I don't care about it, but you keep the shit flowing. Why? I don't know. Because people care? No, they don't.

Politics is a massively divisive element of society. Everyone has an opinion about politics, even if they don't care about politics, because not caring about politics is an opinion in of itself. And unfortunately, people really like to talk to about their opinion of politics for some reason. "OMG, I DON'T EVEN CARE!". Yeah, okay, maybe not you. Our opinions can be informed, uniformed, biased, self-developed, or family driven. Look, I have a political leaning, I'm not gonna lie. I like to look at the flaws of one party under a microscope, and turn a blind eye to more questionable actions of the other party. But I don't think politics should come down to a, "I chose this party for life!" kind of thing, but choosing a party that CURRENTLY best represents your opinions and thoughts of the path in which your country should follow.   It just so happens that every time I have had the great honour of voting in a member of my electorate, it so happens I have chosen one party in particular. It speaks to me that weaknesses of the other party that they appear so inept. But I digress, that is not why I hear today, to beat my political chest. No, this is far removed from that. Instead, I come to do my usual rant, and complain about everything.

In my days, I have witnessed many an arguments over politics. I have witnessed the dissolution of friendships over something as silly, and personal, as political opinions. And for what? A dick measuring contest over politics? Please. Why do people feel the need to constantly tell other people about their political opinions? Those people who will constantly link you to VERY biased articles that support "their" argument, constantly shoving it down your throat. I don't very often bring up politics. It creates more tension than a person-less bag on a train. BAGS WITHOUT PEOPLE DON'T MAKE SENSE! So why does everyone else like to do this? I don't want to argue with people over freakin' politics, and hearing me mumble noncommittal responses surely can't be fun for you? Are people trying to create arguments? Have a hearty discussion about how right they about politics? "Convert" someone to their politics? What is it? Obviously, we live in a digital age. This enables a further platform for these political junkies to beat the dead horse of politics. Linking opinion articles that totally reflect the "right" opinion, all the while making outlandish statements like Politician X is the new Hitler, and we have to fight the system.



Fight the system, yo!

These articles only serve to stroke your ego. For some reason. You are not informing people of anything. They don't create discussion. The internet is now solely used for pornography, photos of cats, and people yelling at each other about things from behind a keyboard. By posting these articles, you are attracting two different kind of people: people who agree with you, and people who don't (duh?). The former are gonna high five you over how awesome that article is and totally represents the truth, and the latter are gonna bitch and call you an idiot about how wrong you are. Why are either of these outcomes desirable? And yes, I do realise the irony in bitching about people posting about opinion rants, as I write an opinion rant. But this blog is mainly for me to bitch about things that annoy me, and I don't care for healthy discussion on it. It is what it is, SO DAMN THE HYPOCRISY! I just think, if we are gonna truly discuss something, discuss it without the aid of some obviously biased article totally backing up your point. You can't whine about the media being unfair as you post links to it. For every article that you find that argues one point, is another article that totally argues the opposite point. Think about it, you dick. Reading these articles is fine, and hey, having discussions on the comments of said article is fine too. The people commenting there are there for a reason, not windows shopping on their Facebook and catching a glimpse of the opinions of others. So having said that, if people want to have a healthy discussion with me on this, comment below (hey, I did say damn the hypocrisy...).

Xoxo Kony Rubbott, Leader of Laboral

Friday, May 9, 2014

My day can beat up your day.

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"Really small minds discuss how their day was better than mine." - Rhys van Beurden

Corona's are garbage. I used to think it was all that and a bag of potato chips when I was first getting into beer drinking, but have since acquired other tastes. But as far as beers goes, it is a fine beer, and if someone offers me one, I will certainly take it. I don't, however, like Corona's ad campaigns, mainly their "From Where You'd Rather Be" campaigns. Why? Simply put, I don't like being told, unequivocally, that I desire to be somewhere I am not, when, in fact, I don't desire to be there at all. I'm perfectly fine where I am right now, in my cramped cave in my parent's basement. If I wanted to be somewhere else, I would go there. And I don't really want to go to Mexico full stop. It's never been on my radar. I mean, Mexicans are always trying to leave the place, and Corona are trying to convince me that I WANT to be there? Puh-lease.

Furthermore, why are all the ads set in the afternoon with a setting sun? Is the rest of the day really boring in those places? Because I am pretty sure the sun doesn't set ALL day in these places. It has to rise and stay risen, and set and stay set at some point too. The things people are doing in these videos is always really dull as well. Like sitting around doing nothing and looking at the sun isn't all that fun. I can do that here, except it doesn't cost me a lot of money to travel around the world to be in some place where I'll probably get shot. It just ain't worth it. Also, that would require me to go outside, and that notion is scary.

I didn't actually come here to talk exclusively about Corona though. My main grief is that people are using that template to brag about their own day. Taking a photo of yourself at the beach coupled with the tagline "My day is better than yours" is just a wankfest. I don't care about your day, any less than I care about going to the beach. Don't presume going to the beach automatically scales you above whatever I am doing anyway. Look, you may be having a fun day, and I may be having a shit day. But that doesn't mean I want to here you trumpeting on about your bloody tip top day on your social media account. To be perfectly frank, if it ain't happening to me, I don't care. And really, is being at the beach that bloody great? Because I can go to the beach if I so choose to, but I don't choose to. The beach bores me. And no matter how many times you convince yourself there is going to be a whole heap of beach babes in bikinis to ogle, it's usually mothers with their kids. No one wants to see that. Sorry mothers. Also kids I guess?

I honestly don't know when the phrase "My day is better than yours" or other iterations came into public usage, but it should piss off to that hole it came from. It feels as though it is another one of those terrible internet tags that came into public usage for no apparent reason other than to see how far people can push it before other people started kneecapping them over it. Do I even need to mention YOLO? Yet, I think believing that people are trolling is giving them too much credit, and that people use those terms in a genuine way. Which I just find sad.

Xoxo TED