It's the black clouds over your head ( I am the black clouds). It's the monsters under your bed (I am the monsters). As tragic as this might seem (I am the bad things), we can't escape the bad things. You know what that means? You know what that means! You can't escape me! You can't escape me!
I'm not the nicest person around. I'm not overly sympathetic, nor empathetic, nor complimentary. I don't value your opinions as high as mine, opinions of which I will speak often and loudly. I can be grumpy, I can be loud, yet I can also be quiet and reserved. I often speak my mind and I don't like to mince my words. But I like to think I am a genuine person. I don't want anyone to hold any illusions as to my personality. People should know where they stand with me, and I like to know where I stand with them. I do like to poke fun at people, but am never malicious. I am loyal, friendly, and often willing to hang out. I don't like being let down, so make a strong point of avoiding doing the same.
Why am I telling you this? It has recently come to my attention that apparently a friend and I had a falling out. I say apparently because all of this happened unbeknownst to me. Sometimes life gets in the way, and I will freely admit that this person and I (for the sake of this story, I shall name them Stacey) hadn't spoken much over the past few weeks, but any such infrequent communications had often come across to me as civil and generally friendly, as they have often done. However, in the intervening weeks of our non-communique, Stacey seemed to have fostered a growing dislike and distrust of me based on what I can only assume as suspicions and skepticism. This apparent dislike was only brought to my attention from an outside source, who implied that Stacey wasn't exactly happy at me over repeated insults and other vague slights over a period of time. At that period in time, which was mid-November, we hadn't spoken for 3-4 weeks, but I hadn't thought much of it, as I had uni work to try and filter through, and as a result of it, I hadn't communicated with many people. So to be told by someone that a person I considered one of my best friends no longer considered me a friend in return, it was a bit of a rude awakening. Naturally, I was hesitant to believe this, as I couldn't imagine someone I had been friends with for such a long period of time would suddenly turn me into Public Enemy No. 1 over a few short weeks based on a few harmless jibes.
Boy, was I wrong. Knowing Stacey would be at a party I was attending that night, I was curious to see how they would react to my presence when they arrived, only to have them not acknowledge it at all. Stacey refused to talk to me, stand near me, be in the same room as me. Feeling as though they had made their position clear, I made no attempts to communicate myself. Yet there was always a thought lingering in the back of my mind: What did I do?
As the weeks dragged on, Stacey continually refused to acknowledge me. Still seeking justification as to their actions, I have received a strange array of excuses: Stacey is just over this social group, they want some space; Stacey is mad that you don't invite them to any events; Stacey is on their period; Stacey says this has been a long time coming and you are the problem; Stacey says you hate them, and that is why they hate you. According to Stacey, the breakdown of this friendship is destined to cause our social group to split in two, one group "siding" with Stacey, and one group "siding" with me. Naturally, I don't want this to happen. It's not like we broke up. No one wants to lose half their friends because they lost one. Hell, I never even wanted to lose that one! Yet Stacey seems oddly hellbent on tearing everything in two. A lot of the excuses don't add up. Having discussed it with other friends, they seem as perplexed as I am, yet I am told others agree with Stacey. So frankly, I don't know. I just want some genuine answers. Not the bullshit that I am being peddled. I want to know what I did that is enough to destroy a friendship. I have put up with bad things from friends before. One once sent a wild array of insulting messages about me to a girl they wanted to get with, only to have that girl forward them to me. I never received an apology over the messages, but I forgave them anyway, despite never forgetting. I won't forget Stacey's actions, but I am willing to forgive them. And hey, maybe Stacey too can learn to forgive me for whatever it is I did. Boys will be boys.
Xoxo Stacey's Mum
Very thought provoking, Rhys. Sometimes even our best friends get it wrong. I know I do - nobody's perfect. People can get the wrong idea if you don't explain yourself, it depends on what you said or how you said it. But if your friend missed you that much, they could have called you too. It takes two to make a friendship. I have learned a lot about my friendships last year, sometimes you are only meant to be close for a season because there are things you need to learn from them. Some friends have conditions - unless they call the shots its not happening. Some friends only call you up when they need something. But the friends worth having are the ones who understand that your quirks are just apart of your personality and that's why they like you. Give *Stacey time, maybe he or she is a lot more sensitive than they let on.
ReplyDelete