2013 through my ears.

2013 was a great year for music. As you probably know, I get pretty passionate about music. I am not overly good at summarising my thoughts on music, as I feel as though it is a thing some people get, and other people don't get. However, I am always the first person to rail on someone else for having terrible taste in music, despite being greatly offended when someone does the same to me. But I don't even care! Hypocrisy bothers me not.This list is unequivocally the best music released this year. If you don't like the music contained therein, you are wrong. I don't want to hear arguments, it is what it is. So without further ado, I present to you...

10. Ra- Critical Mass

Ra have always been a fun band that just exuded melody all the while utilizing a strange mix of exotic sounds. They are the kind of band that I would describe as radio friendly, despite never achieving the kind of success they deserve. Critical Mass is a bubbly album, jumping around with an eclectic mix of different styles. It took me a little while to get into some of the tracks, due to these varying styles, but once I did, I can safely say that their new album (which I also helped to crowd fund) stands up to the quality to with which I am accustomed to from the band. They sound focused and tight, with Sahaj Ticotin using some amazingly soaring vocals, and also some darker, angrier tones. There are some incredibly poppy tunes such as ecstasy throughout, which I swear has a Katy Perry sample at the start, and then Through The Valley and Brutiful are much heavier, raring to go style tracks. Great stuff.
Songs to listen to: Ecstasy, Through the Valley

9. The Dillinger Escape Plan - One of Us Is the Killer

Has anyone ever seen Dillinger live? A perfect representation of the music they perform, their shows are batshit, and often involve blood, fire, and like jumping or something. The music is frenetic and in-your-face, aggro and steam rolling, and yet their latest album contains a much stronger melodic nature to it than previous releases. Look no further than the title track, which actually has some soft croons throughout. Vocalist Greg Puciato is willing to let the nature of the song direct his vocal style, and is willing to quieten down where necessary, only to explode moments later. It shows a stronger sense of control the band now exhibits, and I appreciate their music all the more for it.
Songs to listen to: One of Us Is the Killer, Crossburner

8. Cloudkicker - Subsume

I discovered Cloudkicker a few years back, after the great Devin Townsend mentioned his like for them, and haven't looked back. Written and performed by one man, Ben Sharp, in his own home, it is soft and wandering, progressive and expressive. I often find that vocal-less music gives me an opportunity to ponder my own thoughts as the music creeps on by, the haunting melodies of the tracks being my company. Despite being described as soft, Subsume returns to a less gentle variant of Sharp's music, similar to the first album of his I heard, Beacons, with less of the acoustic sections of some of his more recent work. It's hard to determine what are the best tracks, as there are only four long ones, and they just bleed into the next. It is the kind of album that must be listened to as a whole to be appreciated.

7. Trivium - Vengeance Falls

Anyone who knows me, knows I love Trivium. After enjoying In Waves, despite feeling it was a little bit of a step down of their magnum opus Shogun, I was let down even further with their new release Vengeance Falls. As a whole, the album feels simpler, and less harsh. The production is crisp and clean, and the vocals borderline pop at time. It wasn't what I loved about Trivium! I loved the anger in songs, the harsh vocals, and the interesting themes and metaphors of the lyrics, along with the intricately written music. Their last two albums seem to have been following a simpler path. Why is it still on my top ten albums list? Well, Trivium is still Trivium, despite their differences. I hold Trivium to such a high standard, my first impressions often fall short because of the sheer magnitude of what I was expecting. The songs are still good, just not as good as I want them to be. The Dave Draiman production does sound overly clean at times, but it is still a well produced album with many good tracks, that after my initial disappointment, grew on me. I like the album a lot more now than I did at first, so it definitively creeped up on my list.
Songs to listen to: Brave This Storm, Wake (The End is Nigh)

6. Hacride - Back To Where You've Never Been

I had never heard of Hacride before seeing the recommendation on my most frequented metal website, Metalsucks. With comparisons to fellow frogs Gojira, I figured I'd give their latest album, Back To Where You've Never Been, a listen, and boy was I not disappointed. This is progressive heavy metal at it's finest, with a crisp and powerful production, that avoids being too clean and digital. The members play music that is neither show off-ey nor simple, just interesting and well constructed. At eight songs long, it doesn't overstay it's welcome, and each song sounds necessary to the album as a whole. The intro to album opener Introversion just draws you in for the appropriate amount of time, before spitting you out with some thumping music, and the album just never lets up from there.
Songs to listen to: Introversion, Overcome

5. Mercenary - Through Our Darkest Days

Mercenary's second album after a colossal line-up shift, I was mildly cautious when approaching. Their previous album, Metamorphosis, was neither as well written as their older efforts, nor as well performed. Now full time vocalist, Rene Pedersen (after taking over a split vocal duty role), failed to make the position his own, and struggled with the more melodic singing aspects of the band. Not an issue this time around. Having improved his voice exponentially, he doesn't hold anything back, and the band now seems tighter and more focused than ever as a result of it. The catchy riffs and great vocals lead to many hooky, anthemic choruses, that almost having you fist-pumping along with the tunes. Each song is powerful and uplifting, and makes for a much better product.
Songs to listen to: A New Dawn, Through Our Darkest Days, Dreamstate Machine

4. Soilwork - The Living Infinite

This mammoth two-part album is some of Soilwork's best work to date. A big ol' slab of Gothenburg metal, this is the band's first album since Peter Wichers second exit from the band, but his absence is hardly noticed as the band continues their return to form after 2011's The Panic Broadcast. Starting off with the thrashing track Spectrum of Eternity, this album just does not let up, ripping through tracks such as The Momentary Bliss and Let The First Wave Rise, all the while never getting too far from the melodious moments I have come to enjoy from the band, with both parts of the title tracks being real stand outs. Bjorn "Speed" Strid's vocals are stronger than ever, and listeners need not to look any further than Parasite Blues to see how well the man can truly sing. No autotune here folks! After such an ambitious project, it will be interesting to see how the band intend to top it!
Songs to listen to: The Living Infinite I and II, Drowning With Silence

3. Leprous - Coal

This new album from Leprous was an amazingly perplexing album to listen to for the first time. On the back of their most recent album Bilateral, this album took a much different approach, instead preferring to go for a much more "severe" album, not in terms of music, but in terms of tone. The slower music coupled with some seriously gorgeous vocals creates such a dark sound to the music, with each song being so mellow and dreary. As a listener, I found this very hard to get into initially, but with each listen I was drawn closer and closer into the music. Each song just resonated with me so deeply, and credit must be given to the vocalist Einar Solberg, who seriously puts in one of the most amazing vocal performances I have heard in some time. Some seriously beautiful music.
Songs to listen to: The Valley, Echo

2. Tesseract - Altered State

Just as the above album, the true strength of Tesseract's second album is that of the vocals. Armed with third(!) vocalist Ashe O'Hara, the band has really released a poppier, yet just as heavy, album than that of their debut One, with the album itself being presented as one song, broken into four parts, broken into ten songs. Now, the idea of this being considered as one song seem a little strange to me, considering there is some very obvious pauses and ends to certain tracks, but who am I to argue? It is a very focused album, containing the djent style music that Tesseract helped pioneer, whilst also incorporating strong elements of progressive rock. The vocals weave in and out of the music as another instrument, with O'Hara having mastered the different tones of his voice and how to best implement them into the music itself. Hopefully he stays with the band, because he is by far their best vocalist thus far.
Song to listen to: Resist, Nocturne, Singularity

1. The Ocean - Pelagial

Here it is, the number one album of the year. After discovering The Ocean in between their double albums about Christianity, Heliocentric and Anthropocentic, I find them suitably interesting and also enjoyable to listen to. This was a thinking man's band, with incredibly well written lyrics that made you stop and think. Fast forward two years, and the band began teasing a new release. A little bit of history on the album: originally written and recorded as a single instrumental piece split into 11 parts, conceptualised as mirroring the journey from the ocean's surface to the deepest depths, the music gets continually darker with a more claustrophobic feel to it as it goes on. At the time, the band's vocalist Loic Rossetti had a disorder that prevented him from recording any vocals regardless, hence the decision to write an instrumental piece. However, after they finished recording the music, Loic recovered from his disorder, and the band decided to write lyrics and record vocals for the album after all. This lead to the album being released in two versions: the original instrumental one, and the newer vocalised one. Lyrically, Pelagial is a physiological journey into our own subconscious; following the plotline of the 1979 film Stalker. Main songwriter and band founder Robin Staps describes the topic as below:

In the movie, 3 men are travelling towards the heart of a zone at the center of which one’s wishes are said to come true. But the closer they get, the more insecure they become with regards to what they should actually wish for, and fear arises that even those wishes which they have no control over, which they may not even be aware of, might come true. The protagonists are confronted with their own nature, the true essence of their characters, and this essentially leads them to their own demise. This topic is the lyrical backbone of Pelagial.

An interesting concept to say the last that plays in beautifully with the theme of the music. Some songs are slow and trudging, but sometimes there are sudden temp changes and songs feature quick and unexpected sections, all the while with samples of underwater sounds mixed in between. Sometimes you hear riffs you heard 30 minutes earlier. It's just so well written and complete. I can not stress enough to everyone that they should check out this album, as it is the best release in years.
Songs to listen to: Into the Uncanny, Signals of Anxiety, Let Them Believe

Some honourable mentions include -
Chimaira - Crown of Phantoms
Dream Theater - Dream Theater
Ulcerate - Vermis
Protest the Hero - Volition
Nekrogoblikon - Power
Christian Alvestam - Self 2.0 (not technically an album, hence the miss)
Bruce Soord with Jonas Renske - Wisdom of Crowds
Stone Sour - House of Gold and Bones - Part 2
Hypocrisy - End of Disclosure
Katatonia - Uncrowned and Dethroned

xoxo Rhysy Rhys and Funky Beats

2013 through my eyes.

During the year of 2013, I watched a lot of movies. At the start of the year, my friend Stephen Rice challenged himself to see 100 films throughout the year, and being as I too liked going to the movies, I figured I'd tag along in this adventure. Over the year, I went to see old movies as well as new movies, so I decided fairly early on that only films currently in their first cinema release that I was seeing for the first time would count towards my 100-film goal. As my good friend Jai rates every film he sees out of 100 (check out his app https://itunes.apple.com/au/app/out-of-100/id583900625?mt=8), I too decided to do this. Check out my list below:

1. Jack Reacher - 81
2. Paranorman - 63
3. Gangster Squad - 80
4. Life of Pi - 73
5. This Is 40 -54
6. Hitchcock - 67
7. Django Unchained - 70
8. The Silver Linings Playbook - 74
9. The Impossible - 63
10. Flight - 52
11. Zero Dark Thirty - 79
12. Movie 43 - 12
13. Hansel and Gretal - 63
14. Lincoln - 70
15. The Sweeney - 66
16. The Last Stand - 69
17. Beautiful Creatures - 33
18. Back to the Future - 96
19. Side Effects - 62
20. I Give It A Year - 59
21. Oz the Great and Powerful - 74
22. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone - 61
23. Cloud Atlas - 67
24. 21 and Over - 76
25. Jack the Giant Slayer - 69
26. A Good Day To Die Hard - 39
27. Goddess - 62
28. Broken City - 64
29. GI. Joe: Retaliation - 39
30. The Host - 17
31. Identity Thief - 42
32. Ghostbusters - 87
33. Trance - 49
34. Jurassic Park 3D - 91
35. Scary Movie 5 - 23
36. Warm Bodies - 76
37. Olympus Has Fallen - 70
38. Oblivion - 78
39. The Avengers - 90
40. Iron Man 3 - 54
41. Star Trek - 80
42. Star Trek Into Darkness - 91
43. Evil Dead - 67
44. The Big Wedding - 51
45. The Hangover Part 3 - 42
46. The Call - 59
47. The Place Beyond the Pines - 20
48. Snitch - 62
49. Dead Man Down - 55
50. The Great Gatsby - 62
51. The Internship - 70
52. After Earth - 29
53. World War Z - 79
54. Monsters University - 66
55. Man of Steel - 71
56. Fast Six - 36
57. The Lone Ranger - 71
58. World War Z (Second Viewing)
59. Pacific Rim - 68
60. The Heat - 56
61. This Is The End - 80
62. The Conjuring - 80
63. The Wolverine - 76
64. The Way Way Back - 71
65. The World's End - 77
66. Now You See Me - 61
67. Pain and Gain - 63
68. We're the Millers - 56
69. Mud - 79
70. Kick-Ass 2 - 50
71. Mortal Instruments - 27
72. jOBS - 23
73. Elysium - 79
74. White House Down - 64
75. Paranoia - 63
76. RIPD - 65
77. Riddick - 61
78. Red 2 - 50
79. Percy Jackson - 51
80. Runner Runner - 49
81. Grown Ups 2 - 21
82. Pulp Fiction - 79
83. Gravity - 80
84. 2 Guns - 70
85. Rush - 83
86. Blue Jasmine - 63
87. The Family - 49
88. About Time - 75
89. Prisoners - 84
90. Machete Kills - 50
91. Captain Philips - 70
92. Thor: The Dark World - 77
93. The Butler - 69
94. Bad Grandpa - 59
95. Tailgate - 71
96. The Fifth Estate - 57
97. The Counselor - 22
98. Catching Fire - 70
99. Enough Said - 67
100. The Delivery Man - 69
101. Ender's Game - 68
102. Carrie - 59
103. The Spectacular Now - 57
104. American Hustle - 82
105. One Chance - 63
106. Closed Circuit - 77
107. Frozen - 72
108. The Hobbit - 70
109. Anchorman 2 - 78
110. Anchorman 2 (Second Viewing)

As you probably figured out, the shaded films are the ones that fell out of the official count, meaning I ended up on 102 brand new releases for the year. I would like to thank everyone who came to see a movie with me throughout the year (I somehow managed to not once see one movie by myself). I'd also like to thank the aforementioned Stephen, who went on this crazy journey with me, and Jai, who is the most passionate bloke when it comes to movies and really inspires me to watch my movies in a more critical manner. 

My top 5 of the year were:
Star Trek Into Darkness - 91
Prisoners - 84
Rush - 83
American Hustle - 82
Jack Reacher - 81

My bottom 5 of the year were:

Movie 43 - 12
The Host - 17
The Place Beyond the Pines - 20
Grown Ups 2 - 21
The Counselor - 22

I am keen to again embark on such an adventure in 2014, and obviously, anyone is welcome to come along for the ride!

Xoxo Marlon Brando's Eyes

The Black Clouds

It's the black clouds over your head ( I am the black clouds). It's the monsters under your bed (I am the monsters). As tragic as this might seem (I am the bad things), we can't escape the bad things. You know what that means? You know what that means! You can't escape me! You can't escape me!

I'm not the nicest person around. I'm not overly sympathetic, nor empathetic, nor complimentary. I don't value your opinions as high as mine, opinions of which I will speak often and loudly. I can be grumpy, I can be loud, yet I can also be quiet and reserved. I often speak my mind and I don't like to mince my words. But I like to think I am a genuine person. I don't want anyone to hold any illusions as to my personality. People should know where they stand with me, and I like to know where I stand with them. I do like to poke fun at people, but am never malicious. I am loyal, friendly, and often willing to hang out. I don't like being let down, so make a strong point of avoiding doing the same. 

Why am I telling you this? It has recently come to my attention that apparently a friend and I had a falling out. I say apparently because all of this happened unbeknownst to me. Sometimes life gets in the way, and I will freely admit that this person and I (for the sake of this story, I shall name them Stacey) hadn't spoken much over the past few weeks, but any such infrequent communications had often come across to me as civil and generally friendly, as they have often done. However, in the intervening weeks of our non-communique, Stacey seemed to have fostered a growing dislike and distrust of me based on what I can only assume as suspicions and skepticism. This apparent dislike was only brought to my attention from an outside source, who implied that Stacey wasn't exactly happy at me over repeated insults and other vague slights over a period of time. At that period in time, which was mid-November, we hadn't spoken for 3-4 weeks, but I hadn't thought much of it, as I had uni work to try and filter through, and as a result of it, I hadn't communicated with many people. So to be told by someone that a person I considered one of my best friends no longer considered me a friend in return, it was a bit of a rude awakening. Naturally, I was hesitant to believe this, as I couldn't imagine someone I had been friends with for such a long period of time would suddenly turn me into Public Enemy No. 1 over a few short weeks based on a few harmless jibes. 

Boy, was I wrong. Knowing Stacey would be at a party I was attending that night, I was curious to see how they would react to my presence when they arrived, only to have them not acknowledge it at all. Stacey refused to talk to me, stand near me, be in the same room as me. Feeling as though they had made their position clear, I made no attempts to communicate myself. Yet there was always a thought lingering in the back of my mind: What did I do?

As the weeks dragged on, Stacey continually refused to acknowledge me. Still seeking justification as to their actions, I have received a strange array of excuses: Stacey is just over this social group, they want some space; Stacey is mad that you don't invite them to any events; Stacey is on their period; Stacey says this has been a long time coming and you are the problem; Stacey says you hate them, and that is why they hate you. According to Stacey, the breakdown of this friendship is destined to cause our social group to split in two, one group "siding" with Stacey, and one group "siding" with me. Naturally, I don't want this to happen. It's not like we broke up. No one wants to lose half their friends because they lost one. Hell, I never even wanted to lose that one!  Yet Stacey seems oddly hellbent on tearing everything in two. A lot of the excuses don't add up. Having discussed it with other friends, they seem as perplexed as I am, yet I am told others agree with Stacey. So frankly, I don't know. I just want some genuine answers. Not the bullshit that I am being peddled. I want to know what I did that is enough to destroy a friendship. I have put up with bad things from friends before. One once sent a wild array of insulting messages about me to a girl they wanted to get with, only to have that girl forward them to me. I never received an apology over the messages, but I forgave them anyway, despite never forgetting. I won't forget Stacey's actions, but I am willing to forgive them. And hey, maybe Stacey too can learn to forgive me for whatever it is I did. Boys will be boys. 


Xoxo Stacey's Mum

You don't deserve me, period. - Rhys van Beurden

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” 
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

I can't stand it when people always post quotes of famous individuals. They seem to attribute that sense of social and moral understanding that the person being quoted holds with themselves. This is hardly true though, because just because you may agree with the quote in question, you were too stupid to be able to correctly ascertain your own thoughts to be make a unique opinion of your own, and simply copied that of another. I don't give a shit if you think it is cute or clever. Anybody can quote someone. It doesn't mean you yourself are clever. If you quote Einstein, does that make you a theoretical physicist? No. It makes you a guy who copied a theoretical physicist's opinion, and then try to pass it off as your own opinion.

Furthermore on these garbage quotes is the fact that half the time, people don't even know the true meaning behind them. You can't hardly turn a street without seeing a bogan with "Blood is thicker than water" tattooed on themselves. Yet, the message they are trying to convey is pretty much the exact opposite of that from which the author was. The full quote is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". So yeah, get lost, family. A fallen comrade on the battlefield is much more important to you than some genetic ties. The blood is meant to be taken literally, although I am not too sure if bogans know what literally actually means.

And don't get me started on those Marilyn Monroe quotes. In particular, the "You don't deserve me at my best if you can't stand my worst" one. What a bunch of asinine, self serving garbage. You'll often see this quote written on a girl's social network profile, often seen as a way of justifying their usually deplorable actions. I understand everybody has flaws, and everybody is going to have a bad side, and everybody is just gonna have one of those days. We all do. I do. But the common attitude in the people who use this quote is that someone should put up with you being an inconsiderate arsehole because as far as you are concerned, they are lucky to have you. Guess what? You don't deserve me, period. Everyone has the right to ditch you if your worst qualities are your most prevalent qualities. I don't care if you SOMETIMES are an amazingly nice, considerate person, or you happen to be mega-top, hello gorgeous, or whatever. because I shouldn't be expected to wade through all the bullshit to put up with your SOMETIMES good features. And you know what? Marilyn Monroe wasn't an amazing role model to begin with. She cheated on her husbands, and slept with married men. I guess that was her worst side?

Listen, I don't think quoting others is an inherently bad thing. I quote people all the time. But when a person tries to give off an air of superiority for the intelligence behind the quotes themselves, that is what grinds my gears. You are not better than me, nor more intelligent than I am, simply because you can regurgitate statements and opinions that other people have already made, without even probably understanding their true meanings or true purposes. Use your own valid thought processes for once.

xoxo *insert quotable person here*

The age of deceit.

At what age does it become relevant to start talking about your age? At what age does it stop being relevant to talk about your age? I only ask this because there are numerous times on numerous social networks where I see a person, primarily girls, making a strong note in some sort of sub heading that they are of a certain age. 15. 16. 17. 18. As a now 22-year old male, I find this a peculiar thing to do, primarily because A. I don't care how old I am, B. I don't care about other people knowing how old I am, and C. I don't give a shit how old you are.

So, I was curious as to the motives of people doing this. Is there an element of pride attached to your age? If so, why? What element of being born in a certain year should you be proud of? I found myself in a similar confusion when in grade 12, and everyone seemed to be losing their shit over "Senior 08". I never understood that then, nor did I later when it was "Senior 09", or "Sen10r". Why do people have such an odd affinity with these needs of associating themselves with a certain sect of society, be it the 15 year old crews of the world, or the grade 12 crew.

Or is it to say to others "Hey boys/girls, I am of a legal age!"?

Regardless of the motives, I don't find a note of your age below your Instagram/Facebook/Twitter display picture as any level of authenticity on the matter anyway. I know, I know, who would bother lying about that? But the mere fact that they find it necessary information to divulge in the first place shows that they do care enough about it, potentially enough to even lie about it.

Another thing that bugs me for no reason is when girls put their significant others names up on that same line too. Like... "Gerald ♥". Is that a celebration of their existence? Are you happy to have them as your girl/boyfriend? Is it a (pathetic) symbol of love? Are you bragging about them? If you felt so secure in your relationship, you wouldn't feel the need to consistently mention them. Relationships should be natural, not stood up upon a pedestal for all to admire. I don't care about your relationship. I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to see anything about it, I just don't care. You are certainly welcome to having a personal life, but don't try to make it a part of my life. And anybody who tries to tell me this is about warding off any potential suitors, I call bullshit because, A. don't be so arrogant as to assume that you would have any potential suitors, and B. when has that ever stopped anyone anyway? I read somewhere that telling people you have a boyfriend isn't a terribly useful way of getting them to leave you alone. However, telling them you have a penis is. Yet I don't see too many girls writing that on their social networks...

Xoxo Rhys | Brisbane | 22 | Single ♥ | Penis

The Bows and the B's

I cannot hold it any longer. I just can't. I have been bursting from the seems for some time, holding it in. Some days, I feel as though I can't see straight simply from all the red that covers my eyes thinking about this thing, and not being able to yell it out loud. OUT LOUD! I want you to know this. I WANT YOU TO KNOW! This is so serious. I am shaking with fury at this moment. So... here it is.

Ready?

So...

I HATE BOW TIES AND BOWLER HATS!

THERE. I said it. I can't even quantify my hatred for them. But IF I were to take a stab at it? I don't know. Somewhere in the ballpark of One Direction and other men's penises. Why do I hate them so much? I don't know. Look at them! How can you not hate them? They just look so ridiculous. Doing the top button up on your shirt in most situations is just silly (apparently I have a fat neck and can barely ever do it regardless), but doing your top button up on your SHORT sleeve shirt in order to put on a bow tie is offensive to those with functioning eyes. Just look at this guy?



Could anything else be more synonymous with douchebag? Didn't think so. I don't even know when bow ties became cool to wear socially. Was it Doctor Who? I don't know. I don't watch Doctor Who. The ball got rolling somewhere, and next second, every arsehat was wearing one. What is with that guy's solemn demeanour anyway? "Oh, I'm so shy, look at me, I hunch and wear bow ties". Your sleeves are flapping in the wind man. I hate you. I don't even know you, but I know I hate you. Respected Canadian style columnist Russell Smith was quoted as saying that bow ties were "not the mark of a ladies' man" and "not exactly sexy." Well said Russell, well said.

As for bowler hats? Put on an akubra for Christ sake. Or a fedora. Indiana Jones wears one, and he's a badass. But a bowler hat? Who are you, Charlie Chaplin? You aren't quirky! You're a try hard AND a blowhard. The bowler hat may have been popular in 19th century, but in case you hadn't noticed, that was some time ago. You alternative youth you. RETRO ISN'T COOL. It is a well known fact that I am paragon of cool. So when I tell you you look silly, you sit up and you listen! Pretending you care about the history associated with old fashion doesn't make you sophisticated, it makes you look pretentious. Also, The Bowler Bar sucks.

Xoxo Thomson and Thompson

Where's my catchphrase?

What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? - Arnold Jackson

D'oh! - Homer Simpson

Bite my shiny metal ass - Bender

Scooby dooby doo! - Scooby-Doo

Yabba dabba doo! - Fred Flintstone

How You Doin'? - Joey Tribiani

Giggity - Glenn Quagmire

I'm smarter than the average bear! - Yogi Bear

It's going to be legend... Wait for it, Dary! Legendary! - Barney Stinson

Ke-mo sah-bee -Tonto

He's dead, Jim - Leonard McCoy

Live long and prosper - Spock

Kamehameha - Goku

Life is long. People who say it is short are stupid. Life is really long, and nothing that happens throughout my life will be longer than the entirety of it (uh... duh?). Life is also really boring. According to the CIA (seriously), Australia's current life expectancy is nearly 82 years. That is nearly 30,000 days of our life we are expected to amuse ourselves. How? How exactly am I meant to amuse myself for such an extended period of time. I mean, I have been living for over 8000 days thus far, but I certainly can't say I have found those 8000 days entertaining. 

So in order to make life awesome and more entertaining for the other (hopefully) 22,000 days, I have decided to incorporate a catchphrase into my daily proceedings. I was initially uncertain as to what I wanted this catchphrase to be, and considered many different options. My friends suggested my oft spoken phrase "Suck me off, ya dumb dog!", but apparently some overweight Indigenous lady has already taken that one. However, after much pondering, I devised the most simply yet catchy catchphrase available! I have decided to use "Where are my pants?" as my new personal catchphrase, primarily because... well, where are they?

I am often in a state of wandering around my house is my underpants, or my pajama pants, and never plan any of my outfits ahead of time. So usually, when it become an appropriate time for me to actually put on my pants, I will henceforth exclaim, "Where are my pants?" to anybody listening (or anybody I am communicating with on the line, on the phone, or on the toilet). Also, I have lots and lots of loose sex with women I don't know, so when I comes to my departure from their abode (well they ain't going back to my place!), I can now jump up off there bed, look around the room in confusion, and shout "WHERE ARE MY PANTS?"

Xoxo Burgo

P.S. My sauces:

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2102rank.html