Ahh customers. Every day, every week. They continue to amaze me with their stubborn stupidity and general ignorance of the general operation of food stores. I have been on rants before about the sneaky ways customers will try to rip off my place of work (The Crepe Cafe, to those who were wondering), but man, today was just.. bad. Yes, I may be a representative of Crepe Cafe, but I am still a human being with feelings and emotions, so insulting me repeatedly over various aspects of my work is just a shit act.
So... where to begin? Today, two women aged around 476 approached my work looking to order from the breakfast menu. Asking whether breakfast was still available, I turned to look at the clock, which read 11:01. As breakfast finishes at 11, I figured it would be non-issue, as I am just a tip top bloody bloke. Cue about a five minute period as these two crones mumbled amongst themselves, complaining about the size of the menu, the items on the breakfast menu, and whatever else came across their tiny minds. Finally, the first one looked up, declared she wanted a herb and cheese omelette and coffee, and turned to her friend, expectantly. Cue another two minute period as the second bat decided what she wanted. After contemplating pretty much the entirety of the menu she finally decided that she wanted an Aussie Breakfast crepe and coffee. Instead of taking the sensible option of telling me beforehand that they wanted to pay separately, they tell me after I put through the order, and boy, watching them screw up their faces in confusion as I explained to them how much each separate meal cost was hilarious. I'm pretty sure they figured they were somehow being ripped off, but I didn't care, because my fullsickgenius mind knew it was right. Annnyway, after that mess, I passed them on the buzzer our store uses in order to track orders. The second lady, however, just pushes it away, declaring that she expects me to bring her meal to her. Figuring we weren't overly busy at the time, I agreed to this, because once again, I am a tip top bloody bloke.
So, so far, so good. I mean, these customers fall into the range of very annoying. They've taken up a lot of my time, whilst being rude about it, but I am coping. So, I make their order, and walk out to the table where they were sitting. Nothing said, no thank you, but whatever. I wander back to our store. About a minute later, however, once again the second lady comes up to say something.
"I'm not happy with my order," she said.
"Why might that be?" I ask.
"It''s wrong."
Having taken the order, and then making it, I knew she was mistaken, so I queried her as to how it was wrong.
"There is no bacon," she says.
Once again, knowing that I HAD made the crepe with bacon, I inform her that her meal does indeed have bacon in it, however I cannot confirm this to her, as she has not brought it back for me to show. She says there is no way it has bacon, and proceeds to look at the menu, before randomly stating, "I did not order a herb and cheese omelette".
"I know," I responded, "your friend did. There is an omelette and a crepe over there".
Again, she bends down over the menu, and points at an item.
"This says there is smoked salmon and spinach."Looking on in bewilderment, I answer, "Yes, it indeed does, however you did not order that. You ordered an Aussie Breakfast," pointing at the menu item.
"Yes, that's right," she replies, before flatly stating "It is just an egg thrown on a crepe and then folded up. I can make that at home for a dollar".
Wonderful, I thought to myself, go do that.
"I can assure you, that is how that crepe is made. I have been working here for seven years, so I am definitively making it right," I finally responded with.
Now this is when the old shit decided to make it personal.
"I am astounded that this store has managed to remain open for seven years when you have workers such as yourself here. You have no work ethic, and no sense of presentation to your meals. This is absolutely disgusting. I refuse to buy from here ever again, especially with someone as rude as you here."
"If that is your choice," I calmly responded.
She turned to leave, hesitated, then turned back.
"I want two slices of toast for free," she demanded.
Taken aback, and increasingly angry, I refused.
"No, you cannot. I am not authorised to give you free food simply because you don't like the look of your first."
"I want to talk to whoever is in charge then. I want some compensation."
Ushering over the manager, I retreated to the back of the store, and observed from afar. Upon the conclusion of the calamity, I learned that she finally demanded a refund, and the manager obliged, because holy shit, piss off Grandma. In doing so, she returned the crepe to the store, because like, we wanted to eat it or something. The following image is what was returned to us (taken after we threw it on top of the bin):
Where is the bacon you ask? INSIDE THE CREPE, YOU STUPID IDIOT! She had not even opened the crepe to possible see the bacon wrapped inside it! In that instant, all my thoughts and suspicions of this woman having a serious lack of brain functionality were confirmed. And furthermore, I later spied her eating a McDonald's meal. McDonald's. I'm sorry, but you complain about our presentation, and then go eat from bloody McDonald's? Did they give you the 5-star presentation our food was sorely lacking? Of course not. Because McDonald's are a fast food store with similar time constraints on the making of their food as Crepe Cafe. And also it's McDonald's.
If this was an isolated incident, I could probably cope. I mean, I certainly have some lovely customers at work. But man, it's always the worst ones you remember. One old lady whistled at me (seriously) and gestured me over to her table one day to yell at me that her strawberries weren't up to her standards as they were not freshly picked. What? We're not a farm! We don't grow our strawberries on site. I'm sorry your strawberries aren't covered it dirt, and they are probably brown because they have chocolate on them! And ignorant customers who leave their trolleys or prams or segways or whatever in front of our exit, piss off. I want to leave this place at some point. Pretending you don't see me struggling to get out the door, and then getting angry at me when I simply bash my way out, is a dick move. Also, the bell at the front counter reads "Ring if unattended", not "Please let your children bash the shit out of this for a solid minute because, hey, the staff will love that". If you can't control your degenerate bean bags, don't take them out. That simple.
If you think I hate working in customer service, you're right. It sucks. So instead you lovely folk should come visit me from time to time. My co-workers often ignore me and merely speak around me in Mandarin. It's a lonely Crepe life sometimes...
Xoxo Burnt Crepe Man
P.S. To my nemesis Old Lady, I leave you with the following messages:
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