For those who are ugly, a lifetime of pain and suffering.

To call a tattoo art is like calling a rock a pet. If I rub my feces on a piece of paper, is that art? Maybe, depending on how silly you are. Why do I take such umbrage with tattoos being described as art? Because 95% of the tattoos that people are getting are absolute garbage. Yes, on a level of technicality, any drawing could be called art by anyone. So, like all my blog posts, this is just me saying "Hey, your opinion is wrong, and mine is right". You are on my blog, so I am allowed to say what I want! What's it with tattoos and young people these days, anyway? Is it some rite of passage to get a shitty tattoo? You may argue that I am some sort of tattoo hater, and take issue with tattoos on some level of principle. To that I say, wrong! I actually think tattoos can look incredibly cool with the right combination of design, positioning, and person. However, people are not making the right choices of tattoos!



You see this skin? This is my arm. That's a sexy arm. That arm deserves all the good things, and none of the bad things. Those bad things include shitty arse tattoos of birds and bees and fish and dolphins and potatoes and socks. Unless it's a red sock. Now, I am not a member of a tribe, nor do I find it ethnically correct for me to bother tattooing myself with a tribal tattoo. Is there anything sillier than a crusty white boy with nothing in between his ears who gets a tribal tattoo? Hey buddy, which tribe are you from? And no, Larry's Special School is not a tribe. It's a symbol of your own ignorance, and you should feel ashamed of yourself for being so stupid.

I'm sure not much needs to be said about tramp stamps, so I shall simply put this image here. I believe it sums things up well.



Another type of tattoo that really grinds my gears are those chest tattoos in like squiggly, loopy fonts that read crap like "Family", "Blood" or your family name or something such. Look, I suppose it is admirable that you want to honour your family and friends, but how about doing it in a manner that is a little more subtle, hmm? Is your family really that proud that your chest now looks like you've doodle your surname on it with a permanent marker? Debatable. Listen mate, pack up your silly tattoo design, get a family portrait, and hang it up on your wall instead. Much nicer way to make them feel loved. If you are a good son/brother/sister/daughter/mother/father/friend, they probably don't need to be reminded of it every time you take your shirt off. In fact, it may seem as though you are compensating for the very fact that you aren't a very good family member/friend. Nothing gets by me...



Finally, dainty little pathetic tattoos of stars and crap. Why? Why even bother? Come on.

xoxo sockgap

Bangs bangs, I shot you down!

As Brick loves lamp, a women loves fringe. And as Brick's love for lamp makes absolutely no sense, a woman's love for fringe too makes no sense. Can someone seriously tell me what women see in them? They awkwardly frame their head, cover half their lovely faces, and just look... BAD! WHY ARE YOU SO BLUNT, FRINGE?!

Every girl must follow the same mistake at some point in their life. The whole, oh, maybe I'll try a new look and experiment and look quirky, and all the boys will love me, because they think Zooey Deschanel is hot, and she has a blunt fringe, right? NO! NO NO NO! Take it from the trendiest guy around, fringes are stupid and look bad. Yes, Zooey Deschanel is a mighty fine looking lady, and yes, she may indeed even look better with a fringe than she would without one. But you know what? You are not Zooey Deschanel. You are the other 99.99% of the female populace who is just going to inevitably ruin your whole look by trying to do something different. It's not even different. Everyone tries it! And you know what really grinds my gears? When girls say... "New hair!". You didn't get new hair! You didn't get a hair transplant or something. You just dyed your hair and cut it and made it shittier probably.

Listen, I have no issue if a girls want to experiment with their look somewhat. Try a new dye. Cut your hair shorter. I don't know. But a fringe is genuinely not the answer. I can honestly say no guy friend of mine with whom I have discussed women's fringes with (you'd be surprised at how often it comes up) has ever said they think it looks good. In fact, the very opposite. It's really a good male bonding session, is complaining about blunt fringes on girls. They don't "glam up" your currently boring hair. They are a temporary stall to you looking attractive. And they certainly don't draw focus to your other good features, but merely draw attention to HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR LOOKS TERRIBLE. For example, look at the following clip from How I Met Your Mother's season five episode Double Date:



In the episode, main character Ted goes on a blind date with a girl seven years apart without realising it is the same girl till later. As you can see, she has different hairstyles in each year. Now tell me with a straight face she looks better in the first picture. So ridiculous. She looks like she is wearing a mop on her head.

In short, fringes need to die. Girls who get them make me sad. Especially when they think they look fantastic, and I think they looked better before they got them. I'm a selfish man, and expect everyone to do what I think is right. Don't get a fringe.

xoxo trendy guy

Who is the madman?

I often see people who claim over Facebook that they intend to progressively delete friends from their list that they no longer are friends with, or no longer talk to, or whatever. More often than not, I fall into this very category of never talking to them because ain't nobody got time for dat. However... they never disappear. I am still friends with them. Alternatively, they will randomly announce that they have already done a friend clean up, and I should feel grateful because I "made the cut". To those people, I wish to express one thing: thank you. Clearly your actions are highlighting how great a person I am, for the very fact that despite us never talking, you still want to keep me around as a Facebook friend. Your actions have not gone unnoticed.

And to those people who do delete me off Facebook, screw you. I mean, don't you even know who I am? You don't get the pleasure or satisfaction of deleting me, simply because I am better than you. The act of deleting someone would imply that you think yourself above being friends with me, and that doesn't sit well with me. Why would I want someone on my friend's list who I don't like? Well I wouldn't, but it is up to me to decide when I want to terminate our Facebook friendship, not you. Because if I don't like you, simply put, you are clearly a dingbat who isn't worth my time in the first place, so don't pretend you are better than me. So if you ever get that feeling like you want to delete me, don't. If our association is to end, I will decide when and where. 

Thanks again to all those lovely people who are still my Facebook friends. You guys are awesome.

Xoxo angry head