You don't deserve me, period. - Rhys van Beurden

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” 
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

I can't stand it when people always post quotes of famous individuals. They seem to attribute that sense of social and moral understanding that the person being quoted holds with themselves. This is hardly true though, because just because you may agree with the quote in question, you were too stupid to be able to correctly ascertain your own thoughts to be make a unique opinion of your own, and simply copied that of another. I don't give a shit if you think it is cute or clever. Anybody can quote someone. It doesn't mean you yourself are clever. If you quote Einstein, does that make you a theoretical physicist? No. It makes you a guy who copied a theoretical physicist's opinion, and then try to pass it off as your own opinion.

Furthermore on these garbage quotes is the fact that half the time, people don't even know the true meaning behind them. You can't hardly turn a street without seeing a bogan with "Blood is thicker than water" tattooed on themselves. Yet, the message they are trying to convey is pretty much the exact opposite of that from which the author was. The full quote is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". So yeah, get lost, family. A fallen comrade on the battlefield is much more important to you than some genetic ties. The blood is meant to be taken literally, although I am not too sure if bogans know what literally actually means.

And don't get me started on those Marilyn Monroe quotes. In particular, the "You don't deserve me at my best if you can't stand my worst" one. What a bunch of asinine, self serving garbage. You'll often see this quote written on a girl's social network profile, often seen as a way of justifying their usually deplorable actions. I understand everybody has flaws, and everybody is going to have a bad side, and everybody is just gonna have one of those days. We all do. I do. But the common attitude in the people who use this quote is that someone should put up with you being an inconsiderate arsehole because as far as you are concerned, they are lucky to have you. Guess what? You don't deserve me, period. Everyone has the right to ditch you if your worst qualities are your most prevalent qualities. I don't care if you SOMETIMES are an amazingly nice, considerate person, or you happen to be mega-top, hello gorgeous, or whatever. because I shouldn't be expected to wade through all the bullshit to put up with your SOMETIMES good features. And you know what? Marilyn Monroe wasn't an amazing role model to begin with. She cheated on her husbands, and slept with married men. I guess that was her worst side?

Listen, I don't think quoting others is an inherently bad thing. I quote people all the time. But when a person tries to give off an air of superiority for the intelligence behind the quotes themselves, that is what grinds my gears. You are not better than me, nor more intelligent than I am, simply because you can regurgitate statements and opinions that other people have already made, without even probably understanding their true meanings or true purposes. Use your own valid thought processes for once.

xoxo *insert quotable person here*

The age of deceit.

At what age does it become relevant to start talking about your age? At what age does it stop being relevant to talk about your age? I only ask this because there are numerous times on numerous social networks where I see a person, primarily girls, making a strong note in some sort of sub heading that they are of a certain age. 15. 16. 17. 18. As a now 22-year old male, I find this a peculiar thing to do, primarily because A. I don't care how old I am, B. I don't care about other people knowing how old I am, and C. I don't give a shit how old you are.

So, I was curious as to the motives of people doing this. Is there an element of pride attached to your age? If so, why? What element of being born in a certain year should you be proud of? I found myself in a similar confusion when in grade 12, and everyone seemed to be losing their shit over "Senior 08". I never understood that then, nor did I later when it was "Senior 09", or "Sen10r". Why do people have such an odd affinity with these needs of associating themselves with a certain sect of society, be it the 15 year old crews of the world, or the grade 12 crew.

Or is it to say to others "Hey boys/girls, I am of a legal age!"?

Regardless of the motives, I don't find a note of your age below your Instagram/Facebook/Twitter display picture as any level of authenticity on the matter anyway. I know, I know, who would bother lying about that? But the mere fact that they find it necessary information to divulge in the first place shows that they do care enough about it, potentially enough to even lie about it.

Another thing that bugs me for no reason is when girls put their significant others names up on that same line too. Like... "Gerald ♥". Is that a celebration of their existence? Are you happy to have them as your girl/boyfriend? Is it a (pathetic) symbol of love? Are you bragging about them? If you felt so secure in your relationship, you wouldn't feel the need to consistently mention them. Relationships should be natural, not stood up upon a pedestal for all to admire. I don't care about your relationship. I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to see anything about it, I just don't care. You are certainly welcome to having a personal life, but don't try to make it a part of my life. And anybody who tries to tell me this is about warding off any potential suitors, I call bullshit because, A. don't be so arrogant as to assume that you would have any potential suitors, and B. when has that ever stopped anyone anyway? I read somewhere that telling people you have a boyfriend isn't a terribly useful way of getting them to leave you alone. However, telling them you have a penis is. Yet I don't see too many girls writing that on their social networks...

Xoxo Rhys | Brisbane | 22 | Single ♥ | Penis

The Bows and the B's

I cannot hold it any longer. I just can't. I have been bursting from the seems for some time, holding it in. Some days, I feel as though I can't see straight simply from all the red that covers my eyes thinking about this thing, and not being able to yell it out loud. OUT LOUD! I want you to know this. I WANT YOU TO KNOW! This is so serious. I am shaking with fury at this moment. So... here it is.

Ready?

So...

I HATE BOW TIES AND BOWLER HATS!

THERE. I said it. I can't even quantify my hatred for them. But IF I were to take a stab at it? I don't know. Somewhere in the ballpark of One Direction and other men's penises. Why do I hate them so much? I don't know. Look at them! How can you not hate them? They just look so ridiculous. Doing the top button up on your shirt in most situations is just silly (apparently I have a fat neck and can barely ever do it regardless), but doing your top button up on your SHORT sleeve shirt in order to put on a bow tie is offensive to those with functioning eyes. Just look at this guy?



Could anything else be more synonymous with douchebag? Didn't think so. I don't even know when bow ties became cool to wear socially. Was it Doctor Who? I don't know. I don't watch Doctor Who. The ball got rolling somewhere, and next second, every arsehat was wearing one. What is with that guy's solemn demeanour anyway? "Oh, I'm so shy, look at me, I hunch and wear bow ties". Your sleeves are flapping in the wind man. I hate you. I don't even know you, but I know I hate you. Respected Canadian style columnist Russell Smith was quoted as saying that bow ties were "not the mark of a ladies' man" and "not exactly sexy." Well said Russell, well said.

As for bowler hats? Put on an akubra for Christ sake. Or a fedora. Indiana Jones wears one, and he's a badass. But a bowler hat? Who are you, Charlie Chaplin? You aren't quirky! You're a try hard AND a blowhard. The bowler hat may have been popular in 19th century, but in case you hadn't noticed, that was some time ago. You alternative youth you. RETRO ISN'T COOL. It is a well known fact that I am paragon of cool. So when I tell you you look silly, you sit up and you listen! Pretending you care about the history associated with old fashion doesn't make you sophisticated, it makes you look pretentious. Also, The Bowler Bar sucks.

Xoxo Thomson and Thompson

Where's my catchphrase?

What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? - Arnold Jackson

D'oh! - Homer Simpson

Bite my shiny metal ass - Bender

Scooby dooby doo! - Scooby-Doo

Yabba dabba doo! - Fred Flintstone

How You Doin'? - Joey Tribiani

Giggity - Glenn Quagmire

I'm smarter than the average bear! - Yogi Bear

It's going to be legend... Wait for it, Dary! Legendary! - Barney Stinson

Ke-mo sah-bee -Tonto

He's dead, Jim - Leonard McCoy

Live long and prosper - Spock

Kamehameha - Goku

Life is long. People who say it is short are stupid. Life is really long, and nothing that happens throughout my life will be longer than the entirety of it (uh... duh?). Life is also really boring. According to the CIA (seriously), Australia's current life expectancy is nearly 82 years. That is nearly 30,000 days of our life we are expected to amuse ourselves. How? How exactly am I meant to amuse myself for such an extended period of time. I mean, I have been living for over 8000 days thus far, but I certainly can't say I have found those 8000 days entertaining. 

So in order to make life awesome and more entertaining for the other (hopefully) 22,000 days, I have decided to incorporate a catchphrase into my daily proceedings. I was initially uncertain as to what I wanted this catchphrase to be, and considered many different options. My friends suggested my oft spoken phrase "Suck me off, ya dumb dog!", but apparently some overweight Indigenous lady has already taken that one. However, after much pondering, I devised the most simply yet catchy catchphrase available! I have decided to use "Where are my pants?" as my new personal catchphrase, primarily because... well, where are they?

I am often in a state of wandering around my house is my underpants, or my pajama pants, and never plan any of my outfits ahead of time. So usually, when it become an appropriate time for me to actually put on my pants, I will henceforth exclaim, "Where are my pants?" to anybody listening (or anybody I am communicating with on the line, on the phone, or on the toilet). Also, I have lots and lots of loose sex with women I don't know, so when I comes to my departure from their abode (well they ain't going back to my place!), I can now jump up off there bed, look around the room in confusion, and shout "WHERE ARE MY PANTS?"

Xoxo Burgo

P.S. My sauces:

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2102rank.html

My World Problems

My girlfriend broke up with me, and I'm sad. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!
I got a brain freeze from drinking my slurpee too fast. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!
I got all snug in bed, only to realise I hadn't turned my light off. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!
My dog is too fat. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS!

The Three Worlds Theory. I'm not positive, but I am pretty sure Einstein came up with this particular theory because he liked to make up theories about things, like relativity, gravity, and dinosaurs. It was devised as a means of determining a country's politico-economic status during the Cold War, and was, obviously, split into three separate categories, or worlds. The world is in a bit different shape now than what it what during the Cold War, so the term is now more loosely used as a means of determining a country's socioeconomic development. This is generally determined by the Human Development Index, a composite statistic of life expectancy, education and income. I'm sure you're wondering I am bothering to tell you all this. Well I'll tell you why.

I live in the first world. My country is developed. Does that make me immune to having physical, personal, psychological, or just downright silly problems? No, of course not. So would you people please SHUT THE HELL UP WITH THE PHRASE "FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS"! It's just ridiculous. So what if I live in a developed country? I am allowed to exhibit frustration, anger, sadness or remorse at the trials and tribulations I encounter in my day-to-day life, just as I would expect anybody else to.
Yes, the problems I have may seem insignificant compared to someone half way around the world living in poverty. But that is not my fault, nor is it overly relevant to my life anyway. I can't control other peoples lives, nor can I ultimately help the entire world to live better ones. I do what I do,

There is a see-sawing balance of poverty that the world must endure in order for resources to not be exhausted anyway. Not everyone can live a life of luxury. Sure, it is easy for me to say that as I am living in a life of relative luxury, but I'm doubtful anyone else would be willing to fart away their life simply as a means of proving a point. And that is okay too. The way I see it, if you aren't looking after yourself to the best of your ability, you have you priorities wrong. Being self-centered is not a crime. It's natural. And if you live in a first world country, so be it. It is flat out the luck of the draw, and you simply have to make the best of what you are handed.

So in summation, I HATE SAUERKRAUT! It tastes funny. Also, first world problems? Go away. I don't expect you to care about my issues, but don't try and compare them to the third world. I am not. But that doesn't mean I can't have them.

xoxo Kim Jim-Rhys

Domin8 and Celebr8.

Eight years in a row. Well done lads. QUEENSLANDER!

Hello and welcome to the War for another week.

Let me tell you something. Let me give you a little secret, okay? The customer is always an asshole!

Ahh customers. Every day, every week. They continue to amaze me with their stubborn stupidity and general ignorance of the general operation of food stores. I have been on rants before about the sneaky ways customers will try to rip off my place of work (The Crepe Cafe, to those who were wondering), but man, today was just.. bad. Yes, I may be a representative of Crepe Cafe, but I am still a human being with feelings and emotions, so insulting me repeatedly over various aspects of my work is just a shit act.

So... where to begin? Today, two women aged around 476 approached my work looking to order from the breakfast menu. Asking whether breakfast was still available, I turned to look at the clock, which read 11:01. As breakfast finishes at 11, I figured it would be non-issue, as I am just a tip top bloody bloke. Cue about a five minute period as these two crones mumbled amongst themselves, complaining about the size of the menu, the items on the breakfast menu, and whatever else came across their tiny minds. Finally, the first one looked up, declared she wanted a herb and cheese omelette and coffee, and turned to her friend, expectantly. Cue another two minute period as the second bat decided what she wanted. After contemplating pretty much the entirety of the menu she finally decided that she wanted an Aussie Breakfast crepe and coffee. Instead of taking the sensible option of telling me beforehand that they wanted to pay separately, they tell me after I put through the order, and boy, watching them screw up their faces in confusion as I explained to them how much each separate meal cost was hilarious. I'm pretty sure they figured they were somehow being ripped off, but I didn't care, because my fullsickgenius mind knew it was right. Annnyway, after that mess, I passed them on the buzzer our store uses in order to track orders. The second lady, however, just pushes it away, declaring that she expects me to bring her meal to her. Figuring we weren't overly busy at the time, I agreed to this, because once again, I am a tip top bloody bloke. 

So, so far, so good. I mean, these customers fall into the range of very annoying. They've taken up a lot of my time, whilst being rude about it, but I am coping. So, I make their order, and walk out to the table where they were sitting. Nothing said, no thank you, but whatever. I wander back to our store. About a minute later, however, once again the second lady comes up to say something.

"I'm not happy with my order," she said.
"Why might that be?" I ask.
"It''s wrong."

Having taken the order, and then making it, I knew she was mistaken, so I queried her as to how it was wrong. 
"There is no bacon," she says. 
Once again, knowing that I HAD made the crepe with bacon, I inform her that her meal does indeed have bacon in it, however I cannot confirm this to her, as she has not brought it back for me to show. She says there is no way it has bacon, and proceeds to look at the menu, before randomly stating, "I did not order a herb and cheese omelette". 
"I know," I responded, "your friend did. There is an omelette and a crepe over there". 

Again, she bends down over the menu, and points at an item.

"This says there is smoked salmon and spinach."
Looking on in bewilderment, I answer, "Yes, it indeed does, however you did not order that. You ordered an Aussie Breakfast," pointing at the menu item.
"Yes, that's right," she replies, before flatly stating "It is just an egg thrown on a crepe and then folded up. I can make that at home for a dollar".
Wonderful, I thought to myself, go do that. 
"I can assure you, that is how that crepe is made. I have been working here for seven years, so I am definitively making it right," I finally responded with. 

Now this is when the old shit decided to make it personal.
"I am astounded that this store has managed to remain open for seven years when you have workers such as yourself here. You have no work ethic, and no sense of presentation to your meals. This is absolutely disgusting. I refuse to buy from here ever again, especially with someone as rude as you here."
"If that is your choice," I calmly responded.
She turned to leave, hesitated, then turned back.
"I want two slices of toast for free," she demanded.
Taken aback, and increasingly angry, I refused.
"No, you cannot. I am not authorised to give you free food simply because you don't like the look of your first."
"I want to talk to whoever is in charge then. I want some compensation."

Ushering over the manager, I retreated to the back of the store, and observed from afar. Upon the conclusion of the calamity, I learned that she finally demanded a refund, and the manager obliged, because holy shit, piss off Grandma. In doing so, she returned the crepe to the store, because like, we wanted to eat it or something. The following image is what was returned to us (taken after we threw it on top of the bin):



Where is the bacon you ask? INSIDE THE CREPE, YOU STUPID IDIOT! She had not even opened the crepe to possible see the bacon wrapped inside it! In that instant, all my thoughts and suspicions of this woman having a serious lack of brain functionality were confirmed. And furthermore, I later spied her eating a McDonald's meal. McDonald's. I'm sorry, but you complain about our presentation, and then go eat from bloody McDonald's? Did they give you the 5-star presentation our food was sorely lacking? Of course not. Because McDonald's are a fast food store with similar time constraints on the making of their food as Crepe Cafe. And also it's McDonald's. 

If this was an isolated incident, I could probably cope. I mean, I certainly have some lovely customers at work. But man, it's always the worst ones you remember. One old lady whistled at me (seriously) and gestured me over to her table one day to yell at me that her strawberries weren't up to her standards as they were not freshly picked. What? We're not a farm! We don't grow our strawberries on site. I'm sorry your strawberries aren't covered it dirt, and they are probably brown because they have chocolate on them! And ignorant customers who leave their trolleys or prams or segways or whatever in front of our exit, piss off. I want to leave this place at some point. Pretending you don't see me struggling to get out the door, and then getting angry at me when I simply bash my way out, is a dick move. Also, the bell at the front counter reads "Ring if unattended", not "Please let your children bash the shit out of this for a solid minute because, hey, the staff will love that". If you can't control your degenerate bean bags, don't take them out. That simple.

If you think I hate working in customer service, you're right. It sucks. So instead you lovely folk should come visit me from time to time. My co-workers often ignore me and merely speak around me in Mandarin. It's a lonely Crepe life sometimes...

Xoxo Burnt Crepe Man

P.S. To my nemesis Old Lady, I leave you with the following messages:

One in a Milan

I have this friend. He is a great guy. His name is Milan. He makes movies. I like movies. I like Milan. Match made in heaven.



This is Milan. As you can see, Milan is a sexy man. His beautiful skin tone. The unshaven yet ruggedly handsome look. The jeans and sneakers. The casual pose beside the camera. The beach in the background. The adorable quizzical look on his face. Everything. Great photo. Love you Milan.

White men CAN jump... but they shouldn't.

It doesn't matter if you're black or white - Michael Johnson

That above quote by the famous basketballer is a hoax. It does matter if you are black or white! For starters, it matters on your ability to pull off certain fashion trends. I aim these criticisms solely at the male populace, as I am sure I have whined enough about ladies for the past month to let them go for a week or two. You see, African Americans are cool. The following video proves that.

The problem is, every teenage white boy likes to think they are cool also. This results in an often hilarious mish-mash of white boys wearing fashion trends obviously designed for black males, that just do not work and fail on so many levels. Skin tones make a HUGE difference in one's ability to wear certain types of clothing and accessories. For starters, earrings. Specifically, diamond earrings. I understand they scream "Hey look at me, I'm classy and rich, because my earrings are made of diamond". Except when they don't. Do you expect me to believe some 18 year old dweeb can seriously afford genuine diamond earrings? No. Your cubic zirconia earrings just look silly. Let us compare the following two images. First, we have the badass Kevin Garnett, the now sadly former Boston Celtic forward/centre rocking the diamond earrings:

Next we have teenage pop sensation (?) Justin Bieber, trying his best to convince us he has a penis (and failing):

Try and tell me that Justin looks anywhere near as cool as Kevin, and then go wash your mouth out with soap. He looks ridiculous. All Usher's coddling of the boy may have convinced him he is indeed African American, but that does not make him black, but unfortunately DOES makes him look ridiculous. He looks like a typical cheap wannabe (I'm sure his earrings are genuine diamonds, mind) trying desperately to cling onto a fashion trend he can't pull off.

Another thing that white guys fail to pull off is white suits. It just doesn't look right. The double dip of white material on white skin just makes you look luminescent, whereas the great contrast of a white suit on black skin looks classy and stands out. Contrasting colours looks excellent. It's the same reason people get so maligned for wearing double denim. It looks stupid if everything is the same colour! A white guy just looks showy. No one likes a showy person. Compare the following examples:

and:

The first is basketballing legend Shaquille O'Neal. Need I say more? The second is of actor Matt Bomer. I like Matt Bomer. He is a ridiculously good looking man, and a decent actor. Yet donning the white suit? He looks like a member of Backstreet Boys. Compare that to the below image.

Ahh, much better. Looking classy Matt! 

White men are also pretty bad rappers. Sure, Eminem was once on top of the rapping world. But it isn't 2003 anymore, and Eminem is no longer releasing top rap tunes like "Lose Yourself". Have you heard his stuff recently? That windowpane gag in "Love the Way You Lie" was absolutely cringe worthy. Instead we get ghastly "rappers" like 360 who blow chunks and embarrass the whole of Australia on a worldwide stage. Good job numbnuts. Australia takes enough humiliation from our cricket team without you adding to it!

Look, I'm not making a blanket statement that NO white guy ever managed to make these examples work. I'm just saying that the vast majority of them look and act ridiculous. There are more examples I can think of (hairline tracks, cornrows, pimping) that I won't go into, because I think you get my point. 

Xoxo angry teen girl

P.S. Sorry to any person I may have offended with my Michael Jackson/Johnson/Jordan joke at the start. I thought it was funny that there are so many Michael J's!

P.P.S. Look at this other photo of Justin Bieber. Doesn't he look like your grandmother?

For those who are ugly, a lifetime of pain and suffering.

To call a tattoo art is like calling a rock a pet. If I rub my feces on a piece of paper, is that art? Maybe, depending on how silly you are. Why do I take such umbrage with tattoos being described as art? Because 95% of the tattoos that people are getting are absolute garbage. Yes, on a level of technicality, any drawing could be called art by anyone. So, like all my blog posts, this is just me saying "Hey, your opinion is wrong, and mine is right". You are on my blog, so I am allowed to say what I want! What's it with tattoos and young people these days, anyway? Is it some rite of passage to get a shitty tattoo? You may argue that I am some sort of tattoo hater, and take issue with tattoos on some level of principle. To that I say, wrong! I actually think tattoos can look incredibly cool with the right combination of design, positioning, and person. However, people are not making the right choices of tattoos!



You see this skin? This is my arm. That's a sexy arm. That arm deserves all the good things, and none of the bad things. Those bad things include shitty arse tattoos of birds and bees and fish and dolphins and potatoes and socks. Unless it's a red sock. Now, I am not a member of a tribe, nor do I find it ethnically correct for me to bother tattooing myself with a tribal tattoo. Is there anything sillier than a crusty white boy with nothing in between his ears who gets a tribal tattoo? Hey buddy, which tribe are you from? And no, Larry's Special School is not a tribe. It's a symbol of your own ignorance, and you should feel ashamed of yourself for being so stupid.

I'm sure not much needs to be said about tramp stamps, so I shall simply put this image here. I believe it sums things up well.



Another type of tattoo that really grinds my gears are those chest tattoos in like squiggly, loopy fonts that read crap like "Family", "Blood" or your family name or something such. Look, I suppose it is admirable that you want to honour your family and friends, but how about doing it in a manner that is a little more subtle, hmm? Is your family really that proud that your chest now looks like you've doodle your surname on it with a permanent marker? Debatable. Listen mate, pack up your silly tattoo design, get a family portrait, and hang it up on your wall instead. Much nicer way to make them feel loved. If you are a good son/brother/sister/daughter/mother/father/friend, they probably don't need to be reminded of it every time you take your shirt off. In fact, it may seem as though you are compensating for the very fact that you aren't a very good family member/friend. Nothing gets by me...



Finally, dainty little pathetic tattoos of stars and crap. Why? Why even bother? Come on.

xoxo sockgap

Bangs bangs, I shot you down!

As Brick loves lamp, a women loves fringe. And as Brick's love for lamp makes absolutely no sense, a woman's love for fringe too makes no sense. Can someone seriously tell me what women see in them? They awkwardly frame their head, cover half their lovely faces, and just look... BAD! WHY ARE YOU SO BLUNT, FRINGE?!

Every girl must follow the same mistake at some point in their life. The whole, oh, maybe I'll try a new look and experiment and look quirky, and all the boys will love me, because they think Zooey Deschanel is hot, and she has a blunt fringe, right? NO! NO NO NO! Take it from the trendiest guy around, fringes are stupid and look bad. Yes, Zooey Deschanel is a mighty fine looking lady, and yes, she may indeed even look better with a fringe than she would without one. But you know what? You are not Zooey Deschanel. You are the other 99.99% of the female populace who is just going to inevitably ruin your whole look by trying to do something different. It's not even different. Everyone tries it! And you know what really grinds my gears? When girls say... "New hair!". You didn't get new hair! You didn't get a hair transplant or something. You just dyed your hair and cut it and made it shittier probably.

Listen, I have no issue if a girls want to experiment with their look somewhat. Try a new dye. Cut your hair shorter. I don't know. But a fringe is genuinely not the answer. I can honestly say no guy friend of mine with whom I have discussed women's fringes with (you'd be surprised at how often it comes up) has ever said they think it looks good. In fact, the very opposite. It's really a good male bonding session, is complaining about blunt fringes on girls. They don't "glam up" your currently boring hair. They are a temporary stall to you looking attractive. And they certainly don't draw focus to your other good features, but merely draw attention to HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR LOOKS TERRIBLE. For example, look at the following clip from How I Met Your Mother's season five episode Double Date:



In the episode, main character Ted goes on a blind date with a girl seven years apart without realising it is the same girl till later. As you can see, she has different hairstyles in each year. Now tell me with a straight face she looks better in the first picture. So ridiculous. She looks like she is wearing a mop on her head.

In short, fringes need to die. Girls who get them make me sad. Especially when they think they look fantastic, and I think they looked better before they got them. I'm a selfish man, and expect everyone to do what I think is right. Don't get a fringe.

xoxo trendy guy

Who is the madman?

I often see people who claim over Facebook that they intend to progressively delete friends from their list that they no longer are friends with, or no longer talk to, or whatever. More often than not, I fall into this very category of never talking to them because ain't nobody got time for dat. However... they never disappear. I am still friends with them. Alternatively, they will randomly announce that they have already done a friend clean up, and I should feel grateful because I "made the cut". To those people, I wish to express one thing: thank you. Clearly your actions are highlighting how great a person I am, for the very fact that despite us never talking, you still want to keep me around as a Facebook friend. Your actions have not gone unnoticed.

And to those people who do delete me off Facebook, screw you. I mean, don't you even know who I am? You don't get the pleasure or satisfaction of deleting me, simply because I am better than you. The act of deleting someone would imply that you think yourself above being friends with me, and that doesn't sit well with me. Why would I want someone on my friend's list who I don't like? Well I wouldn't, but it is up to me to decide when I want to terminate our Facebook friendship, not you. Because if I don't like you, simply put, you are clearly a dingbat who isn't worth my time in the first place, so don't pretend you are better than me. So if you ever get that feeling like you want to delete me, don't. If our association is to end, I will decide when and where. 

Thanks again to all those lovely people who are still my Facebook friends. You guys are awesome.

Xoxo angry head

Let Them Believe

I can feel
These circles will always touch in more than one point.
Repelled and pulled towards each other: repelled again.
Unconditional projection alternates with short,
Fervid intervals of perfection and boundless bonding.

But be sure: trust needs to be reevaluated
While our ageing promises turn to plights
And their weight and meaning changes.
Differing sizes of intersections:
Territories abandoned, lost and reclaimed.
Everything's in constant motion.

So let them live with the contradictions
Between what they call passion
And the constraints of our modern living
Which leave no space for the arational.

And most importantly,
Let them have confidence and peace.
Let them be powerless.
But most surprisingly,
They're not afraid of how they'll feel
When they come closer.

All these restrictions are self-inflicted:
Let them be helpless.
Let them embrace symbols of commitment
To compensate for the lack of it.

I can feel
These circles will always touch in more than one point.
Repelled and pulled towards each other: repelled again.
Regulations and restrictions determine how we live
And what we've got to give.

But be sure: trust needs to be reevaluated
While our ageing promises turn to plights.

Change is what scares us shitless.

Most importantly,
Let them have confidence and peace.
Let them be powerless.
But most surprisingly,
They're not afraid of how they'll feel
When they come closer.

Symbols of commitment to disguise the lack of it.
Let them believe.
Let them believe in themselves.
And let them live with their contradictions.
What they call passion is just the turmoil
Caused by repression of their ambitions.
Let them believe.


Hadopelagic II: Let Them Believe - The Ocean

I'd like to introduce a very talented young man, how about a nice round of applause...

Hey loyal follower!
As you are probably aware, I have friends! Approximately five or six. Anyway, a few of these friends have been making a movie recently by the name of Tailgate. Those friends have completed their film, and are currently financing a trip to take it to a major Hollywood distribution company. They would greatly appreciate any contribution you could make into making this trip a reality.
For all details, please go here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/tailgate


Furthermore, check out my other friends' zany podcast. Pretty much all I quoted for months.

http://dankarlszeitgeist.podbean.com/

xoxo damn you all

Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a therapist.

NOW, on the border of the broken chasm, the infamy of man was stretched along.
Beholding as they descend, and the reign of man is FLEETING!
Enraptured in an illusion in which we all belong,
…And our purpose is acknowledgement of the void?!?
THEN VOID ON ME IN WAVEFORMS!!!


I just read a rant on tumblr written by a girl about how guys always screw girls over. That was a stupid rant, I'm not gonna talk about that. But what I am going to talk about, is how everyone screws everyone over. Because let us be honest. Girls get screwed over by boys, boys get screwed over by girls. It is just how it is. People are terrible. I'm terrible, you're terrible. We all need to admit it at some point. I have.

Being a generally terrible person is not gender exclusive, not matter how many broken hearted souls try to convince you otherwise. Of course a (heterosexual) girl will only have bad relationship experiences with boys! They are the only type of people with whom they are trying to get into relationships with! And the exact same can be said of (heterosexual) boys. I must admit, I am certainly guilty of trying to pin all emotional issues of the world squarely on the shoulders of women, but that would be unfair (but probably true). Simply put, people only look out for themselves, and because of that, we have a world of people screwing other people over to get what they determine to be the fullest life available to them.

I can honestly say I have never gone out of my way to intentionally screw with a girl (there is such little interest that I doubt such an issue will ever arise). I'm not sure if I have ever screwed over a girl unintentionally, but there is every chance that I may have. But I certainly have been screwed over by a girl. I'm not exactly sure of the thought processes of those girls (yes, multiple people), so I cannot fully determine what their intentions were, but man, some of them seemed real harsh, didn't they? Asking a girl out for a positive response, to them suddenly ignoring all attempts at communication and start going out with someone (in the period of maybe a fortnight) seemed like a bit of a shit head thing to do. I can't justify those actions in my head in any sort of scenario, but maybe she can? And that is where it all comes back to. All people need to do these mean actions is justification in their own minds that what they are doing is the right thing to do. So you've got people everywhere doing all the nastiest things in the world because they can justify these things to themselves.

Is there a remedy to all this? Probably not. I just think that there is always two sides to every story, and two sides to every relationship. Just as I don't try to go out of my way to screw someone over, I may still do so. I am content with my decisions and the things that I do. And just as someone else may not go out of their way to screw me over, they may still do so. It's their right to do so. I may not like it, but at the end of the day, who really cares about what I want?

Xoxo gossip troll

P.S. I can safely say that any girl who has given me any sort of false hope has moved on to far worse prospects, so I can feel some vague comfort in that they couldn't get anything better then this.

I have given you my soul; leave me my name!

I know I haven't written a post in a while, as I have been rather busy pretending that I am doing uni assignments, so for today, I though I would have a little fun with some Urban Dictionary quotes. I figured I would go along the entire list of potential definitions of the sexy pimp name Rhys, and give my thoughts on the various interpretations. As follows...

RHYS

1.also commonly known as sexii
He is the most amazing man. He is sexy, gorgeous, sweet, super mega ninja tard awesome. 

emo scene chic : id sure like to tap that rhys kid
annette: FUCKING DIE!

I find no reason to argue with that.

2. A name of Welsh descent, meaning "ardor" (ardour for the brits).

As a knight of the Silver Hand, Rhys lived and died up to his name.

Well, I am not entirely sure how accurate it is that I do indeed live up to such a meaning, but yep, that is what my name means!

3. the best friend anyone could ask for, a genuine stand up guy. he has the nicest personality anyone could ask for, hes sweet, and kind, would do anything for anyone, a true,loyal friend.

that rhys is sure enough a stand up guy, wat a gentleman!

Well it has often been argued that I am a bit of a jerk, but I would like to think in the right situation I am not an entirely terrible human being, so I appreciate this one.

4.Rhys is the greatest person you will ever meet. He may seem like an over the top pretty boy at first but once you know him well he's the nicest and caring boy you'd ever find. He's a great lover, and a sensitive guy when around his one special girl. He's not always the kindest, but a true friend and fantastic boyfriend. Girls would love to date Rhys, and they all chase after him but when he likes the one girl, he's loyal to her. He's a top mate and a good person in general. To know Rhys is like being besties with jesus, he's perfect, handsome, funny, athletic, hot, caring and wonderful to be around

Girl 1; Wow, I wish my boyfriend was Rhys!!

Girl 2; Lucky for me he is, and i'll never give him up

Well, once again, it is hard to argue with such a complimentary piece of work such as the above. I can guarantee you I am not the greatest person you will ever meet, but I'm okay. I'm definitively sensitive, you just don't know it yet. As for girls loving to date me, well they have a terrible way of showing it, because Rhys is single :( I do like the Jesus reference though. 

5. A act of pure stupidity

You just had a major rhys moment

Pretty accurate really.

6. An amazing and caring guy that would never hurt you but is always afraid he is going to. A gentle giant, sweet, loyal and always there when you need him. I love you so much, Rhys.

Girl 1: Who's that?

Girl 2: That's my Rhys

I am not sure what it means by gentle giant, for I am not a giant, but I'm gentle. Ladies? Anyone?

7. A gay faggot from westies that warm piss on his face and gay anal fisting while fingering his pisshole to gay hentai porn. guy 1: dude, i met this utter dickhead at westies yesterday guy 2: i bet his name was rhys am i correct? guy 1: wow, yes u are how did u know? I can assure you that I am not from westies, wherever that is, nor do I have warm piss on my face and whatever that end statement means. 8. A sexy and enthusiastic man, an object of man kind that sometimes manipulates woman to sleep with him whilst having oral sex and repeating the words.. god dammit when he cannot cum. Rhys implies, god dammit joe! When joe makes a stupid or inapropriate remark I am pretty terrible at that manipulating thing to be honest. Goddamn it. 9. a very drunk intoxicated person that has a long relationship with vodka An English alcoholic, usually by the name Rhys I'm not very fond of vodka to be perfectly honest. 10.The Act of peeing your pants while cradling your penis in your underwear while you chud rapidly in a public area. Guy 1:'brb, gotta take a dump' Guy 2:'but we're in the middle of town!' Guy 1:'cant hold it!' Guy 1:'aww shit man, pissed while i shat' Guy 2:'Nice Rhys' I can safely say that I am have never performed this act. 11. -The most difficult person to get in touch with but when you do, the messages always bring a smile to your face. -Is great with the girls, always has someone else with him, goes for the pretty ones, so it's nice to know he is yours :P -This is also bad because he is a MAJOR flirt. -Gives the most amazing kisses and cuddles. -Makes you feel very special. -Although he can upset you A LOT and very easily, he can make you feel so loved that you get the warm fuzzies. -Really funny :P -SOO fun to play wrestle ;D Rhys: Texts at night: "I wanna cuddle you and have you fall asleep in my arms, warm and happy. I love you :)" I am actually really easy to get a hold of actually. You've got my mobile number to call or text, Facebook to chat, write on my wall, write to me on this here blog, or you can find me at Carindale Crepe Cafe, QUT Garden's Point, or simply lying in my bed, probably napping. Trust me, easy to get a hold of. I'll even send you cute messages if you try. 12. the best person in the world and loves his amazing girlfriend katie love is in rhys' heart I don't have a girlfriend named katie unfortunately. I find it odd her name is not capitalised either. 13. A surname of Welsh origin that means "Dragon", "fervor", "passion", "ultimate strength", "king" or "zeal". Over time, the name has evolved from a mark of respect and stature, to that of an insult. Nowadays, people with the name 'Rhys' will usually fit in to one, or many of the below categories: 1) Someone suffering from delusions of grandeur, but in reality is an epically shit person. 2) An absolute joke of a human being (and not a funny-ha-ha joke). 3) Perceived by others to have slight (raging) homosexual tendencies. Person 1: "That guy Rhys.. he's your mate!" Person 2: "Definitely your mate!" Rhys: "I'm everyone's mate because I'm awesome!" Person 1: "You're a joke" Person 2: "Absolute joke." I have already referenced the meaning of my name earlier, but I would hope not to be considered an epically shit person, but I guess that is up to whoever is passing judgement. I try not to be an epically shit person though, so there is that. I am pretty sure the joke is meant to be ha-ha, because I am hilarious! 14. A move done by someone who jumps down the stairs and hits their head off of the ceiling "Ouch man, Mark just pulled a Rhys!" "When I was drunk last night, I did a total Rhys" Unlike the last described "Rhys act", I am pretty sure I have done this one before... 15. Someone that looks alot like an ogre. Man that guy looks like shrek! I bet his name is rhys ;o Guilty. 16. when you laugh while eating and it comes out your nose (specifically ice cream) ahhh, dude i just did a rhys and now my face is sore!! Something I do quite often to get girls. Now that I think about it, maybe that is why I am single... 17. A lying man-whore who will lead you on then pretend he doesn't care about you but by this time, you are completely in love with him and he makes you feel like crap by ignoring you and insulting you. g1) oh i'm totally in love with you rhys) go die, do us all a favour and jump off the towerblock. g1) cries when she gets home not good - don't fall for him :( I try not to lead girls on, for I find it unforgivable to do something to a person that I myself would hate to have happen to me. So anybody who I may have done this to, I am sorry, and I hope you have managed to move on with your life without further pain. 18.A person who tends to earn a lot of money and not put in for anything even food, though they dont mind eating yours. They spend all there money on the partner to hide there true sexuality and fantisy for cross dressers. wow that rhys just got up and left the table with out paying any money to his meal. Bullshit. Crepe wage is low. I have no money. 19. noun; 1)Someone who is a genuine dickhead and wont have much to look forward to in the future. 2) a person whose past use of marajuana would seem to be the catalyst for slow speech and an absence of regular human level conversation. 3) a person who is utterly obsesive with their looks and reckons that they are a living god/Jesus. see also- Dictionary dud |dəd| informal noun 1 a thing that fails to work properly or is otherwise unsatisfactory or worthless : a high-grade collection, not a dud in the lot | | all three bombs were duds.  1)"dude that guy is such a rhys". 2)"yeh, he always thinks he's the shit". 1)"dude here he comes!".. and hes shaping his hair and... oh shit hes unbuttoning his V-neck. RHYS) heyyyyyyy you, whats crackin braaaazzasazzz , you doinnnn much in de holzz? 1. I am trying to secure myself a decent future at the moment, so I guess not all hope is lost. 2. My body is my temple, so I ingest no bad substances. Except coke. The soft drink kind. 3. Well, I don't mean to brag or anything... 20. Ignore the last four definition's Rhys is a person, A normal human being who's concept on life goes far beyond that of a normal person. Personaly Rhys is God to most and isn't that little prissy boy and his enemies who can't spell for shit. Grammar rules, and prepy grudge holding whores suck. Owned~ Rhys went out to the store today and bought some gummy worms, he was not assaulted by hundreds of women like previously stated, also he doesn't drive a Jaguar either, so shut the hell up about the Jaguar. Rhys = Ishbar I don't know what the last four definitions were, but I am actually pretty grounded, and my concept of life is generally to find myself amusement. I'm like a cat with a ball of wool. My enemies are pretty bad spellers though, and grammar does indeed rule. 21. One who like totally PWNs up and stuff right, and liek he totally just like pwns people like tim and like mark at cs and stuff right, like they are dancing round and stuff and liek rhys just get the headshots cause rhys is l33t as and stuff right, and liek on C&C liek my jarmen just goes in and liek totally pwns up their stuff. Tim: oh man i dont beleve how totally pwned i just got by the rhys Troy: that rhys is way to good and has way to powerfully micro for the likes of me Mark: i may be a trained n00b but the rhys still pwns me up Counter Strike is for dorks. Do I look like a dork? Also, as the previous number wrote, grammar rules, and you fail at it. 22. a)past marijuana usage b)talks about all his made up sex stories c)still a virgin d)confused about sexuality e)one of his best friends has a needle dick f)only strong enough to beat up a dead baby g)tries to go after other peoples girls cause he cant find his own h)generally hangs out with young boys i)likes a man in speedo j)has a penis pipe k)reciever of anything l)13 on ASVAB m)sucks at pool n)will occassionally insert random objects into buttocks o)future bum girl 1: damn look at that guy!! girl 2:oh ya damn hes a hotty... but whos that weirdo standin next to him?? girl 1: im not sure but hes uuuuggglllyyyyy!! girl 2: ya i know and he wont stop buggin those poor girls girl 1: he looks like hes a real "Rhys"! This is just an odd list of things that I have no real opinion of, soooo... 23. Rhys is a ginger boy who attends Ysgol Gyfun Bro Morgannwg. He is very flirty and is quite well off. His father drives a jaguar so people think that he is rich! Mr Dilwyn Owen Is His I.T teacher and Bela Is Fat Rhys you Rich Ginger Fing I ain't ginger, I don't go to Ysgollum Gyfunky Morganworgan, I suck at flirting, and I am about as well off as that family who live in boxes. My father drives a Mazda, and I guess Bela is fat? Well that folks is all we have time for today. People have some odd definitions of Rhys. Do you have a definition of Rhys? Maybe even me in particular? Comment! Thanks for reading.